O Segundo Sol

Quando o segundo sol chegarPara realinhar as órbitas dos planetasDerrubando com assombro exemplarO que os astrônomos diriam se tratarDe um outro cometaQuando o segundo sol chegarPara realinhar as órbitas dos planetasDerrubando com assombro exemplarO que os astrônomos diriam se tratarDe um outro cometaNão digo que não me surpreendiAntes que eu visse, você disse e eu não pude acreditarMas você pode ter certezaQue o seu telefone irá tocarEm sua nova casa que abriga agora a trilhaIncluída nessa minha conversãoEu só queria te contarQue eu fui lá fora e vi dois sóis num diaE a vida que ardia sem explicaçãoQuando o segundo sol chegarPara realinhar as órbitas dos planetasDerrubando com assombro exemplarO que os astrônomos diriam se tratarDe um outro cometaNão digo que não me surpreendiAntes que eu visse, você disse e eu não pude acreditarMas você pode ter certezaQue o seu telefone irá tocarEm sua nova casa que abriga agora a trilhaIncluída nessa minha conversãoEu só queria te contarQue eu fui lá fora e vi dois sóis num diaE a vida que ardia sem explicaçãoO seu telefone irá tocarEm sua nova casa que abriga agora a trilhaIncluída nessa minha conversãoEu só queria te contarQue eu fui lá fora e vi dois sóis num diaE a vida que ardia sem explicaçãoExplicaçãoNão tem explicaçãoExplicação, sem explicaçãoExplicação, não temNão tem explicação, explicaçãoNão tem explicação, não tem, não tem
Compositor: Nando ReisCantora: Cassia Eller

Nobodies

Sometimes we think that the hit is so hard that we think that we will not stand it. Some falls are because we trust too much in another person that we cant believe that what is happening is really happening. At the first sight the pain is so deep that we think to give up of everything. We can try and if it doesnt work, when we come back we are sure that nothing would never change. Who cares?
Theres no one, a being to whom we can go and say: "Hey, what do I do now?" All you can hear is the sound of your own voice or your own words said in your thoughts.
In the dark times is when we find some precious person that come to your life only to bring some fresh air to your soul. They dont have any other meaning. But only for the support in that moment they will never be forgotten.

One of the advantages of walk alone is, you always know what is the next step. If you dont want do know is up to you, but you can make plans with yourself and never fail. Maybe the results cannot be what you were expecting but this is another story.
The advantage of walking with another one is: you both can search for the answers together. But not everybody was born to walk in pairs.

At the beginning of everything we were only stardust and from that all the things were formed. In theory we all are brothers because our essence is the same since the beginning of the times. But why we see people against people, we will never know. At some point we started to be apart and changed our essence from all the others from our universal family. We are nobodies, or maybe the virus of a big system and we have to be destroyed.

And if the pain is too much we need to be ready to leave and survive. Dont be afraid. Time heals everything.

All bad experience give us a learning. Most of them tell us about how mean, coward and betrayer the human being can be. If we have only honest people in this world.. but it is a dream. Doesnt match with the human nature that is so imperfect.
Human being are the only one animal in nature that kills for pleasure. And there are many ways of killing someone.
Never give a second chance to anyone to put you down. Betrayal: Tolerance ZERO! Is the only way to survive in this stone jungle.

Viking

Today a bit o' sun smiled for me. I knew my friend in at the early beginning of 2008. I was in another city working like crazy. A place in the middle of nowhere and with a hot weather. Everything seemed to be easy at the beginning but for the mistake of the company who didnt make the right research we all lost money and time there. In my free time I started to take a lot of pics of the sky, with sun, when was lightining. The storms there were really strong. All that big noise it was the only thing that made me feel alive. After the storm a red sky apeared and everything was calm again. But I was bored and frustrated. So, accidentally I knew him. It was trust at the first sight.

Everytime that something wrong is happening to me he writes me a message. from wherever he is. The connection between us still exists and I guess will never end. "I have a pic in my mind from you Tania. A nice one my friend." It seems he knew that I needed a big hug as only good friends with big hearts are able to give. Thank you my friend.

We both know a lot of music, mainly him. So there is not a special one. It is hard to chose only one. But with this one I remember that it was the day he asked me: "What is happening to my little friend today?"

He will be always a special friend to me. Like those few ones that can take ages for you to find again but when we meet it is like the time has stopped and everything is exactly the the same, only with more stories to tell.

I really have few but really few friends. I can count in one of my hands. But each one are more than a billion stars. Thats why a simple "hello" is always so special.

Enjoy the silence

Still the silence and the beginning of few thoughts about how I feel myself. Im not happy or unhappy either. For some reason the end of some things gave me a kind of relief. Maybe my reality would be worst than that I live now. Im so long alone that I think I wouldn't know to share my space with a strange person. I can share with my kids because they are myself in some way.

Did I want to go? And if not, why?

I thought the storm would be horrible. But Im so quiet and I dont feel anything. It is like nothing had happened or if happened, it was a long time ago. I dont miss anything.

That's why, maybe, Im a survivor. Always ready move on, change of plans or start over again in a completelly different way.

There are still some dark clouds in the sky but for different reasons that I cant explain.


Nice that everything has an end.

Forgiveness

STROKE (AVC IN PORTUGUESE)

After doing my morning provocation - it relax me - it is time to the real world.

One of my cousins with only 43 years old, suddenly couldnt talk and his family took him to the hospital. He stayed there sleeping for 2 days and no one could find out what was happening with him, even with tests. The doctor said that he only would get out of there when they could prove that he had a stroke. Yesterday he started talking a bit but couldnt stand his head. Strokes mostly leaves a mark and then we start thinking about how was in the past.

I was searching and I could find a video that explain in a simple way what is a stroke. And it is not a beautiful thing at all. But he is a stronng and health person. Now just wait and take the medication.

And all the magic was gone. After all the battles she needed something great to trust in anything again and it was just destroyed. All she wanted was a bit of respect and she got nothing at all. How come to see beauty in something that was so corrupted by the will of a man? There was not bad feelings though. The shock were so imense that washed away even a single bit of sense.

Some people come into your life looking after your light. When they get to take it from you, they leave you. When they cant get to take your light, they follow you waiting for the next opportunity to break you down.

And some day the same hand that hold her, threw her away.
But something happened. She didnt fall.
She was not a leaf.

The leaf was slowly falling down to the ground. It seems that she would be there - on the ground to where she was slowly falling - till the rain, the air, the animals or the steps of the people could detroy her completelly.

While she was falling - and almost getting to the ground - she felt something warm. Someone took her and carried her away .


Life will never be the same.

The lamp that was turned off - but still hot - is finally getting cold. How come to keep it warm while the connections are getting lost? It is a kind of strange freedom, another gate.

Rio de Janeiro 2016!!!

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - will host the 2016 Olympics! 

Question

I read in someone's profile " quiz of the day: how is it possible for a human to handle so much stress ? still wondering .." And I wanted to keep my answer.

Depending on the stress it can be easier or harder to handle but everyone is different i mean: some can handle more and others less. each one knows how it is inside. some people have a big luck after big storms and others fall in a deep hole after a simple rain. i cant say that your pain or stress is better or worse than mine cause we never know ... how strong or weak the other is. just one thing im sure: everything has an end so the stress will have an end too. how? it is another question.

Always a Perfect Circle

Sunshine

I have found a video that a guy did for her gf. Cute and fun. But it opened a door to a place that a long time I wasnt visiting: my own heart.

A simple song made me cry like a baby. I dont know if it is something from the memory or for a lack of something. All I know is that all I got in my life doesnt belong to me.. belongs to the world. Im just a way to make things alive or take a form.

I loved so much the Life.. and I still do. But as I said once.. it was never a corresponded love. Life for me was always a party for what I was not invited. But I didnt notice this when I was younger.. just now when I look back. And many other things Im started to understand now. I guess I was always protected for a kind of Superior force. If I had noticed all this before it would have been hit me deeply. Now is only history.

God bless everyone.

Aliens

"You may not believe it, but there are people who go through life with very little friction or distress. They dress well, eat well, sleep well. They are contented with their family life. They have moments of grief but all in all they are undisturbed and often feel very good. And when they die it is an easy death, usually in their sleep. I am not one of them. Oh no, I am not one of them, I am not even near to being one of them. They are there and I am HERE".

The Aliens by Charles Bukowski

Michael Jackson - 1958 - 2009

WRONG!

The day that Rio stopped

"The traffic stopped to see it" - said a carioca (a person who lives in Rio de Janeiro)

Phenomenon surprised visitors on the beach of São Conrado, Rio de Janeiro - Brazil, in the South Zone close to Leblon, Ipanema and Barra da Tijuca. Cold front should continue until Thursday, causing cloudy time.

The cone is formed very close to the coast, in São Conrado . (Photo: Ana Pini / TV Globo).

It is happening in Brazil and in some cities close to the beach.

Source: O Globo - G1

We all have priorities in life, even that it means to give up of our dreams. I dont know still if I'll have to give up of all my dreams. Yes.. I Have found out that I still have some. But to move on it means leave the past, deleting useless things and just carry on the results to make us a better person and have that big and sincere smile on the face. I know that it is impossible to forget some of the worst experiences in our lives but we have to be opened to receive a new reality to find what is the best in us.

I hate anesthetics. But there is something wrong.. so wrong that I needed a professional to help me out. Depression doesnt go by itself. Sadness can pass away but a deep depression is awful. It changes who you are. I started again to take a medecine to quit this dicease. It seems that it wont have a cure. For so long Im feeling weird and bad experiences made it come out again. Well..I had the illusion that I was fealed. I was wrong. The doctor said that I will need at least 2 weeks to start feeling the effects of the medecine. At the same time Im doing many things to keep me busy. Gosh.. Im so cold inside as never before. I dont know why I have the impression that deep inside I still have some hope. Hope of what.. i dont know exactly.

Money, fake friends, we can get anytime. I just need to catch myself again and look around and realize that it is real.

So far away she goes. She doesnt know exactly where but she keeps going on. She cant stop. Die inside is the real death.

God, keep me alive. You never failed with me. But what or who God is? Let me find my star part inside of me again and shine again with a big smile.. whatever happens.

I dont mind if someone cares or not about me. I just want to meet myself again...whoever I'll be after all this.

Deleting...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Breaking the useless chains

Many things happening around the word.. good ones and......bad ones mostly. But how to change the world if we cant even change ourselves? People have theories about how to be good, they have a religion to see the rules but most never follow them.

But I can understand why people give up. I see them like the childrem that someday they were.. and they keep playing like kids as the world were a big playground. But in a playgroung always have the strongest and the weakest. There is the one who beats and the ones who are beaten.. The winner and the loser... just like the world we are living.

If you give up, thats fine. Theres a lot of people that cant handle life. But keep on your mind that it is always a new beggining.. in life.. or after that.

Im trying to be on track again inside myself. It is not a shame to confess a weakness. Even an warrior have hard times and feel fear as well.

Bad experiences will always happen.. but many of them can be avoided by us. Our weakness sometimes make us believe in bad character persons.

Try to be free of your expectations. Enjoy what you have.

Be your best friend.

Words of Wisdom

What is happening around the world and with our planet is too much to be ignored. I remember the letter of the Chief Seattle to the USA President Franklin Pierce in 1855 (or 1851, 1854 as it has been said along the years):

"I am a savage and do not understand any other way. I have seen a thousand rotting buffaloes on the prairie, left by the white man who shot them from a passing train. I am a savage and do not understand how the smoking iron horse can be made more important than the buffalo that we kill only to stay alive.

What is man without the beasts? If all the beasts were gone, man would die from a great loneliness of the spirit. For whatever happens to the beasts, soon happens to man. All things are connected."

"Teach your children that we have taught our children that the earth is our mother. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of earth. If men spit upon the ground, they spit upon themselves. This we know; the earth does not belong to man; man belongs to the earth. This we know. All things are connected like the blood which unites one family. All things are connected.

Even the white man, whose God walks and talks with him as friend to friend, cannot be exempt from the common destiny. We may be brothers after all. We shall see. One thing we know which the white man may one day discover; our God is the same God.

You may think now that you own Him as you wish to own our land; but you cannot. He is the God of man, and His compassion is equal for the red man and the white. The earth is precious to Him, and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator. The whites too shall pass; perhaps sooner than all other tribes. Contaminate your bed and you will one night suffocate in your own waste.

But in your perishing you will shine brightly fired by the strength of the God who brought you to this land and for some special purpose gave you dominion over this land and over the red man.

That destiny is a mystery to us, for we do not understand when the buffalo are all slaughtered, the wild horses are tamed, the secret corners of the forest heavy with the scent of many men and the view of the ripe hills blotted by talking wires.

Where is the thicket? Gone. Where is the eagle? Gone.

The end of living and the beginning of survival."

If the letter is a true document or not, doesnt matter, but it was written in those times like the words of a prophet, in this case, someone (maybe a "savage"?) with a view centuries beyond than others.

Save The World

   

Last April 2, was gathered in London, 19 of the 20 countries of the G20, for the Global reform. Everything is explained at the Explanatory guide to the communiqué at the London Summit 2009 site.

As the economist Hamish McRae said "This summit won't save the world, but at least it has made an important start", we all hope the same.

Save Our Planet

I was amazed after looking through my window and most of them were off... as mine! It was a big silence in a city that never sleeps. At least something good in this dangerous and useless life.

According to the scientists the countries of North of our planet will suffer the the biggest cold weather soon. But all the world will see awful desasters if nothing changed.

I hope that this moviment generates many others. But not just beautiful acts but something effective from all countries, mainly the most developed ones, responsable for all this mess in our planet. I didnt say it. All the channels say it everyday. They tell what the scientists are seeing for our future if our planet doesnt change the way to treat them.

I dont mind for myself. I do for my kids.

"I have no friends; I make my Mind my Friend.
I have no enemy; I make Incautiousness my Enemy."
Samurai Creed
Bushido

Deleting...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

While deleting, the sensation is exactly like this: being in a train passing through a lot of small cities quickly - places that you have never dreamed before and that was always there occupying a place that you could use with a new thing. They say that we are made of past. Sure. but we dont need to keep every single detail - good or bad - of this inside of us. Or maybe we should... who knows...? Anyway I dont like to keep anything for so long.

I have to training more the right side of my brain to be stronger than the left one, free my shoulders and surrender.

Deleting Virus...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Stuck at the same step
trying to delete what is useless inside of her.
Should she delete herself?

Deleting virus...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scanning...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Deleting files...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

From The Dust We Came, To The Dust We All Shall Return

Internet - The Humanity's Greatest Invention

A despite of all crazy things that can happen in internet it is still the greatest invention of the humanity.

Be aware in Internet!

Although I have hidden my comments I can show them at any time by re-selecting "Show". So just I can delete them or keep them and NO ONE ELSE. The address of my blog is only visible to my friends where the same person who sent me all those messages took it. Steal passwords and take details of someone in the list of the stolen person is criminal. Mainly to make use of these informations to harass people in internet.

"The Connecticut Computer Crimes Task Force was formed in March 2003 to investigate crimes occurring over the Internet. These crimes include computer intrusion, Internet fraud, on-line crimes against children, copyright violations, and Internet threats or harassment. The Task Force includes agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, the Connecticut State Police, the Connecticut"

Source: Federal Bureau of Investigation - FBI

Man Sentenced for Internet Harassment

South Carolina Man Sentenced In First Federal Prosecution Of Internet Harassment

From Federal Bureau of Investigations, for About.com

Filed In: Online Safety

James Robert Murphy, 38, of Columbia, South Carolina, was sentenced to 5 years of probation, 500 hours of community service, and more than $12,000 in restitution today for two counts of Use of a Telecommunications Device (the internet) with Intent to Annoy, Abuse, Threaten or Harass.

Murphy was indicted in April 2004, for sending harassing emails to Seattle resident Joelle Ligon and to other employees of the City of Seattle. He pleaded guilty to two counts in June 2004. In sentencing Murphy, U.S. District Court Judge Thomas Zilly told Murphy he "...did not demonstrate the type of remorse he should under the circumstances."

In his plea agreement, Murphy admitted he had a sporadic romantic relationship with Ligon from 1984-1990. In May of 2002, Murphy began sending dozens of uninvited and harassing emails and facsimile (fax) messages to Ligon and her co-workers. Murphy hid his identity with special email programs and created the "Anti Joelle Fan Club" (AJFC) and repeatedly sent threatening emails from this alleged group.

Murphy disseminated false information about Ligon's background to her co-workers. The harassment escalated over time, with Murphy sending pornographic material and making it appear that Ligon was sending the pornographic material to her co-workers at the City of Seattle. Even after Ligon was able to identify the person harassing her and get a court order barring contact, Murphy violated the order by sending an email denying he was the harasser.

No Remorse From Murphy

In court, Murphy told the Judge what he did was "stupid, hurtful and just plain wrong. I was going though a bad patch in my life. I want to take my lumps and get on with life."

In sentencing Murphy Judge Zilly noted that he was surprised that Murphy "made no effort to indicate your remorse to the victim, to indicate you were sorry." The Judge noted that he had received a letter from Joelle Ligon unlike any he had ever received from a crime victim.

In it Ligon asked the Judge to impose "an effective and compassionate sentence." Judge Zilly decided to impose 500 hours of community service instead of the 160 hours requested by the government. He ordered Murphy to pay $12,297.23 to the City of Seattle to compensate the City for 160 hours of work time lost by employees dealing with the harassment.

Task Force Targets Cyber Crime

This case was investigated by the Northwest Cyber Crime Task Force, composed of the FBI, United States Secret Service, Internal Revenue Service, Seattle Police Department, and Washington State Patrol. The NWCCTF investigates Cyber-related violations including criminal computer intrusions, intellectual property theft, child pornography and internet fraud.

The Task Force brings federal, state and local law enforcement agencies together to share intelligence and conduct joint investigations.

This case is believed to be the first federal prosecution of cyber harassment in the United States. Assistant United States Attorney Kathryn A. Warma is prosecuting the case.

Source: About.com from FBI

"When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun.
Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious.
You could break a bone or a heart.
You look before you leap and sometimes
you don't leap at all because
there's not always someone there to catch you.
And in life, there's no safety net.
When did it stop being fun and start being scary?"

Maybe some women aren´t meant to be tamed.
Maybe they just need to run free
til they find someone just as wild to run with them...

And while you dont find the one,
better running alone.

Keep holding on
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don't affect me

That's right
Deliverance of my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate

Wait
I'm coming undone
Irate
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate

Choke choke again
I thought my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me
Since I was young
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet sugar gun
Does not protect me

That's right
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now

I'm trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like i'm not getting better
Not getting better

..............

Up and down she goes
Between heaven and hell
Someday it will be over
She will be finally free

Times to times I like to make a review about how started my blog and how it is now. A professor of Theater Arts once said that all story starts with an "order", goes to the chaos to later be back to the "order" again. It is like a kind of parable with its concavity turned down. But life I think is like an elliptical or circular line: never ends. And to Everything that has a beginning has an end and to every end has a new beggining (btw I like Matrix quotes! in italic is from The Matrix Revolutions - 2003)

I started it simple. I was always losing all my papers. Net would be a good place to keep it and with images! I would never draw such images. Words and images are the perfect match sometimes. Others is better just write some few words or show just an image. It depends on how we are feeling. My intention was writing my book about net relations. But suddenly I was having fun writing about me, what I was doing or anything else.

I have mails (I keep it all!), chats, photos etc. It would be enough to design how people behave themselves on net. Sometimes the most brave one in net is a skinny and timid person in real, or a coward one.

I had my apex here - " bloggingly" talking. Each story had its ending. And I could find some answers while writing. It is a good exercise to check how is working your thought line and just few people could understand what I said. As my friend Shashi and Traveller, and both from IIT! You have to be really a nerd to be there! lol But I am not that clever. With time till the most simple people can be a wise one. Im not wise though.

My journey didnt end yet. But it passed from the middle and everything is getting to that point when everything is so easy to understand. Well.. maybe Im close to the end. And when I leave I will go in peace. I fixed what was wrong, I accepted what I couldnt change and I have forgiven/forgive my enemies - if I had or have any. But I still laugh of the anger of some people. Anger is so useless .. unless you use it to move on and turn bad things into good ones. This is a positive way to use the anger. All feelings are good. Depends on how you use it. I walked a long way till I learn to manage my anger.

We never stop learning.

Sometimes we need more time to understand what is going on. Someone once said to me: "I dont know why people lie. Tell the truth is so easier!" The truth can be painful but more painful is find out later that all that were only lies. I despise liers, betrayers and cowards. Cause they are all the same.

But the most unbelievable is that we all came from the same beggining. When everything was only a chaos, everything was just one thing. So much later came the universe as we know now. So, humans and stars have something in common. It could be the most poetic thing but as exist darkness and light, also exist people really opposite to the other ones. Some are good, cheerful and shine. Others are evil, envolving, that take you to the other side if you are not strong enough to resist.

I gave up of such people a long time ago. But sometimes - as I am a human being - I do mistakes in my observation. But sooner or later truth always shows up. And so it is so easier to let it all behind.

Pirate I Will Always Be

This is me

As I used to be.
I had a ship to command
I was always trying a new brand
A lot of treasures, you see
That I've got over the seas
Now my soul is a prisioner
In a body different than mine
But someday I will be back
To take back again
My pirate empire.

Taz

The Kick

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
   Love them anyway.
   
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
   Do good anyway.
   
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
   Succeed anyway.
   
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
   Do good anyway.
   
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
   Be honest and frank anyway.
   
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
   Think big anyway.
   
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
   Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
   
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
   Build anyway.
   
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
   Help people anyway.
   
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
    Give the world the best you have anyway.

and finally the lion ate the bird. it didnt take too long, did it?

All things we like and love could be eternal so we would have all the time to get them. Time is eternal itself but not the things that live under its domain. And someday I will not be here anymore as any else I know. And If I leave this life before you, you will never find me again. Would you miss me? Would you think that you wasted your time waiting for the right time? Would you regret to dont have met me?
I dont know why people waste their time. Or maybe they are not interested enough to make it works.

Suddenly she noticed what she was: a little bird with a small heart beating fast for someone. But he was from another specie. How come a bird could love a lion? Even a simple friendship between a bird and a lion is not possible: someday the instinct would speak louder and the lion will eat the bird.

Kiss me

With a big smile on her face, she went to sleep happy
She could see and almost touch her twin soul
Al the pain was gone
Her heart was in peace
Like a beautiful sunny day.
She was red again.

Jeg elsker deg.

Happy New Year

The First Day

Feeling alone in a vast universe.
Looking around she can see how she loves life.
It was never a corresponded love
but what could she do?
She would ever love the colours,
the sounds,
the wind....
that flows through her hairs
and bring her memories
of something that she would never had
but how she miss it!

Inside her soul plays a beautiful song
that fulfill her heart with love and passion
but cant fulfill her loneliness.

As a soul in her farewell
she was sad because her mom would never love her,
happy to have been reconnected with her daughter,
glad that her son would be a pratical man
and in bliss cause she have found the man of her life,
although she knows
that she'd never meet him.

No one will fulfill your dreams.
No one will love you as you need to be.
No one will be there when you most need.
But one thing you can be sure:
you will always have yourself.

Poem in a Straight Line - Fernando Pessoa

I never knew who had never been screwed up in life.

Everyone I know have been champions in everything.

And I so often paltry, often pork, often vile,
I often unanswerable parasite,
Unexcusable dirty,
I, who often have no patience even to take a bath
I, who so often have been ridiculous, absurd,
I wrapped the feet of carpet in publicly labels,
I have been grotesque, petty, arrogant and submissive,
I have suffered and insults quiet
And when I do not have been quiet, I have been even more ridiculous;
I, who have been hilarious for the servants of hotel,
I, I felt the eyes of guys blink of freight,
I, who have made financial shame, borrowed without pay,
I, that when the time's punch came, I have been crouching down
Out the possibility of the punch;
I, who have suffered the anguish of the silly little things,
I see that I dont have a pair in it all in this world.

All the people I know and talk to me
Never had a ridiculous act, never suffered insults,
They were always nothing but a prince - all princes - in life ...

I wish to hear the voice of someone
Who confess not a sin, but a scandal;
That counts, not the violence, but a cowardly!
They are all the Ideal, that I hear and speak.
Who in this wide world must confess that once was vile?
Oh princes, my brothers,

Go, I'm sick of demigod!
Where are people in this world?

So only I am who is vile and wrong in this land?

Women may not have been loved them,
May have been betrayed - but not ridiculous!
And I, I have been ridiculous and haven't been betrayed,
How can I talk to my superiors without waver?
I, that have been vile, vile literally,
Vil in the sense of dread and petty meanness.

Fernando Pessoa (under the pseudonym of Alvaro de Campos)

Merry Christmas

~ These things I warmly wish for you ~
~ someone to love and be loved ~
~a good work to do ~
~ a beautiful sun always shining over you ~
~ a lot of cheer ~
~ and a guardian angel always near ~

"A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials" Seneca, Lucius

"Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your hear."

A New Year is coming soon

At this moment (20:54) the new X-mas tree is being presented on Lagoa Rodrigo de Freitas. I can hear the fireworks from here. Every year a big one is made. I like the sound of the fireworks.

At the end of each year fireworks are seen throughout the city. At the downtown, often they throw pieces of paper through the windows that carried by the wind flood the streets (poor of who will clean it all ..). But it is party, I mean, today the party have officially began. It is time for hope in years to come.

I look through the window. Hundreds of windows - which hide the fate of each one - shine in front of my eyes. They are so close and so distant. I close one eye and I can touch each one of those windows. But I cannot touch their lives that there is within them. Just as I have a body but cannot reach my own soul.

I do not understand my own life. And if there was another life before that, I have handled many, despise them and not loved as it should. Because that is how the world was always to me.

What saved me always was my dreams. I have always believed in better days and lived always with a smile printed on the face. But all the hope, the optimism, my love for the next one, were not enough because the stones were always in the crucial moments of my life making me start over again.

Looking some photographs of my childhood, I think that child didnt even imagine all that was yet to come.

Even nowadays I catch myself dreaming. Looking at a star or at the blue sky while working. The soul wants to fly but the body does not allow - or will it be a fate? I thought my destiny was in my hands, but this really is not possible to everyone.

What I did with all those stones? My dream is vast and the stones are not yet sufficient to build my castle. I have suffered from less? Or perhaps I relied too much on my own power to change things?

A new year will start soon in the near future. And once again my dreams will be renewed . Without them I can build nothing. Without them I am nobody.

The story didnt end yet.

The Next Step

This is the version presented at the end

of the Theoretical Part of Hair Design classes today.. wonderful!

There are some words written in Portuguese in this video:

Expectativa = Expectation

Aprendizado = Learning

Confiança = Trust

Criatividade = Creativity

Determinação = Determination

Persistência = Persistence

Liderança = Leadership

Trabalho em Equipe = Teamwork

Autonomia = Autonomy

Disciplina = Discipline

Motivação = Motivation

Harmonia = Harmony

Superação = Overshoot

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Now..

the next step...

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thanks God..

i'm still alive.

It was getting cold and the firsts drops of rain started touching her face. Slowly she looked to the sky.. shadows of gray were passing so fast...the wind came to meet her thoughts - she winked in a slow motion.

Her ex-husband was so different that day. He didnt say goodbye but she felt like something was making her fade. She didnt know yet what she would plan later. She has been always a stone in someone's shoes.. then now she would be a relief. It was not self compassion.. it was just the only way to take.

She felt a relief as well. Like.. she was leaving her stones back.. getting lighter to fly.

I didnt find any answer.
I dont know nothing.
Im not the f*cking choosen! And I will never be.
Maybe this is the only answer I'll ever have....

Happy Birthday!

The only one who was waiting for her was her little son. "My God how much I love him" - she thought. His hug could take her to a better world. The only hug she received at home.

She had gone to her classes at noon and she accidentally told to just one woman that was her birthday. "Shh.. dont tell to anyone, please.." And the woman gave her a silent and warm hug.

Since early morning she started to receive wishes for her birthday from his net friends. She couldnt count all the wishes. It had a lot of them! She read each one with a big smile printed on her face (but she couldnt reply to everyone cause suddenly the server was too busy). It seemed a big virtual party!!! Like a big city full of lights and happy people...

She was happy .. in a silent way. And the feeling was so good. The day had been so colorful even being a silent one. The rain has stopped. It was not so cold anymore.

Small World

This is a small world after all....

Ghosts

A Brahms song hit her on her heart. Those ghosts were so real that the pain in her heart now was real too. She would quit them from inside.. the only way to find that joy again... completelly.

Violence!

Violence against me doesnt mean just beat me. Everytime you treat me as a whore, everytime you betray me a despite of my sincerity, everytime you leave our kids to live your adventures with another women, you hurt me. Stop to kill me a bit every single day.