Early Morning in Leblon & Ipanema

Last Night in Ipanema

Last night (20may) I was coming back from the dentist (again!). The last thing that he has done didnt work and suprise! .. he said that he would give me an anesthetic to make some things to prepair to another work! Coming back home I was feeling weird... like I was not breathing well. So, I saw some red sky when I looked to the beach and I decide to walk a bit there...it was a pleasant night :)

First I was looking to those stones named Two Brothers (Dois Irmãos). And just when I was walking by the beach I looked back and... the moon was almost orange! I dont like feel cold for so long and these days are a bit cold for me here. But last night the scene was like a summer night.

There are some schools of sport at the beach like footbal and beachvolley too. It is easy to play cause there is a lot of light. People running, taking a walk with their pets, biking, or simply looking around.

Some men were cleaning the beach being watched by the moon... silent, distant and misterious and yet beautiful. Colors give me a good feeling and seing that moon it was a good surprise.

So I had to go back home.. I was feeling better, breathing normaly and feeling calm. But the left side of my face were still so numb!

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Wow! Im a mess of feelings latelly. Even feeling down I feel I still have an insistent and little hope inside of me! I resist cause this hope doesnt match with my disbelief in humans or in something in this life. Have a hope is like say something and do another thing. I never ask to myself a lot of consistency but I dont know why now I need to feel too much sense in anything. Im losing energy with this small things, turning a drop of water into a big storm. I dont know how to fix it and sometimes I ask to myself if it is worth to change... maybe all I need to do is just accept. But this word "accept" makes me feel strange.

Slowly, but realy slowly indeed my life is changing. Just a bit. I still dont have control of anything, I feel tired, I cry too much, Im too emotional, I still have images of my own death and maybe the gym will help. I started it last week. First they took some pics and next month they will do the same to compare. I like to work in those gym equipments. Feel each muscle being worked and dont think about nothing. The trainers are cool and attentive. I dont need much attention cause I used to do gymnastics for so long some years back and play beachvolley (well.. now Im sure I would be a desaster but I was not that bad before). I see the care that they have with my daughter: it is her first time and she is just 12.

Im a bit sleepy now. I woke up too early and I didnt stop doing things till now. I took a coffee in a café today just trying to wake me up. I like so much that coffee-and-cake smell and the decoration as well.

I lost the way. At the beginning this blog was to gather my ideas to write a book. But a writer need to have a over view of everything and suddenly I was inside of everything. It was nice cause I wrote a lot of things about me without to tell what was happening. Now I just write about music or news. Mainly cause some of them was so shoking that I had to write about.

For example, about the earthquake in Pakistan. I was talking with someone in msn when he said. "I had to get out. The earth is starting shaking and everybody is getting out." I guess I was one of the first person in the world to know about the earthquake there. And my friend Hamad lost everything. His family had to keep moving till find a place to live.

Later I started with another blog cause I couldnt write here. Some bugs of beta version I guess. So I created Madmaktub II. But there I didnt feel like writing about me. So I wrote about news or any other thing that could sound interesting for me... till the airplane accident in Brazil and the little boy hanged outside the car. I stopped to write for sometime.

Now this about Isabela Nardoni, the little girl of just 5 years old. Her father and her stepmother are in jail now cause the Justice understood that since the time that her father turned off the car (it was registered in GPS) till the first call to the police to ask for help it has passed just 13 minutes. They think that it is not time enough to someone get into a house (locked), do all that with the child and get out locking the door again. And no other digitals were found inside the apartment or any other hint that could show that someone else was there at that day.

The newspaper is full of violence against inocent people. Like that man in Austria, and even in any part of the world. Silent inocent people who are too much young to complain.

And we live our lives and the other lives too when we read the news. Some people dont mind at all. They just think "thanks God is it not with me!". And while this everything is dieing. Since the most simple thing till the most important ones. There is not respect for anything or each other: for the other's lives or other's feelings. This life is just an illusion and if I had notice that before I would never have had kids.

Im bitter. I have a stick in my heart, I dont see any sense in this life and I dont believe in humans. Im tired to play this game.

Ayrton Senna - Magic Senna - 14 years

This Thursday, 1st day of May, the fatal accident of Ayrton Senna completes 14 years. The triple champion of the world of Formula 1 in 1988, 1989 and 1990, which was released in pole position for the San Marino GP, Imola, has lost direction of the bar of his car and went straight over 300km /h in the Tamburello curve . He fought with his Williams in the wall of protection. His death was confirmed hours later, at the Hospital Maggiore in Bologna (Italy).

Ayrton Senna started his career in kart, with 13 years old, and won the South American title in 1977, as well as vice world championship. In 1981, Senna made his debut in Formula Ford and won the title in the category once in his first season. In 1982, he went to Formula 2000 and ended the year as English and European champion, in addition to the record of 21 wins, 15 pole positions and 21 fastest laps. Prior to joining Formula 1, Senna passed by the British Formula 3 and won another title. In the main category of car, the tricampeão won 41 wins and 65 pole positions, and is considered one of the greatest pilots of the F-1 history.

In addition to the powers in the tracks, Senna was also known for generosity outside. He started work philanthropic giving rise to the Ayrton Senna Institute, which now serves about 400 thousand children and young people throughout Brazil. Viviane, his sister, plays the project since its creation. After Senna's death it was discovered that he had donated millions of dollars of his personal fortune (estimated at $400 million at the time of his death) to children's charities, a fact that during his life he had kept secret. His foundation in Brazil, Instituto Ayrton Senna, has invested nearly US$ 80 million over the last twelve years in social programs and actions in partnership with schools, government, NGOs, and the private sector aimed at offering children and teenagers from low-income backgrounds the skills and opportunities they need to develop to their full potential as persons, citizens and future professionals.

His importance to the Formula 1 is summarized in a statement from Bernie Ecclestone, big boss of the category. According to him, Senna was the greatest driver of all time, status of which neither Michael Schumacher is approaching. "Ayrton had a charisma that Schumacher was not able to transmit" said Bernie Ecclestone, Formula 1's big boss.

Check out some numbers on the winning career of Ayrton Senna:
Titles in Formula 1: 3 in 1988, 1990, 1991 (all with McLaren-Honda)
Wins: 41
Pole positions: 65
Points: 614
GPs disputed: 161
GPs finalized: 105
Premiuns: 80
Laps in leadership: 2,987
Miles in leadership: 13,676
Total laps travelled: 8,219
Total kilometers travelled: 37,934
Poles in the first row: 87
With wins pole position: 29
Wins for end to end: 19
Laps faster: 19
Maximum poles achieved in a single season: 13 (in 1988 and 1989)
Pole positions in succession: 8, in the following GPs: Spain, Australia, Brazil, San Marino, Monaco, Mexico and USA (1988) and Brazil (1989)

Notable quotations:
"Winning is like a drug, I cannot justify in any circumstances coming second or third.
"Being second is to be the first of the ones who lose."
"On a given day, a given circumstance, you think you have a limit. And you then go for this limit and you touch this limit, and you think, 'Okay, this is the limit'. And so you touch this limit, something happens and you suddenly can go a little bit further. With your mind power, your determination, your instinct, and the experience as well, you can fly very high."
"One particular thing that Formula-1 can provide you, is that you know you're always exposed to danger. Danger of getting hurt, danger of dying. This is part of your life, and you either face it in a professional, in a cool manner, or you just drop it, just leave it and don't do it anymore really. And I happen to like too much what I do to just drop it, I can't drop it."
"Racing, competing, it's in my blood. It's part of me, it's part of my life; I have been doing it all my life and it stands out before everything else."
"There are no small accidents on this circuit." - talking about the Imola circuit before the fatal 1994 race.
"It's going to be a season with lots of accidents, and I'll risk saying that we'll be lucky if something really serious doesn't happen." - pre-season 1994.
"I continuously go further and further learning about my own limitations, my body limitation, psychological limitations. It's a way of life for me."
"Of course there are moments that you wonder how long you should be doing it because there are other aspects which are not nice, of this lifestyle. But I just love winning."
"If you have a target in your life, a real target, doesn't matter if you are very poor or rich people, if you work hard and believe in God, you can get the success, success in the life."
"I know that it is impossible to win always. I just hope that defeat doesn't come this weekend."
"I don't know driving in another way which isn't risky. Each one has to improve himself. Each driver has its limit. My limit is a little bit further than other's."
"If I ever happen to have an accident that eventually costs me my life, I hope it is in one go. I would not like to be in a wheelchair. I would not like to be in a hospital suffering from whatever injury it was. If I'm going to live, I want to live fully. Very intensely, because I am an intense person. It would ruin my life if I had to live partially." (January 1994, 4 months before to his death).

Professor Sidney Watkins, a world-renowned neurosurgeon and Formula One Safety Delegate and Medical Delegate, head of the Formula One on-track medical team, who performed an on-site tracheotomy on Ayrton Senna, reported:“He looked serene. I raised his eyelids and it was clear fromhis pupils that he had a massive brain injury. We lifted him from the cockpit and laid him on the ground. As we did, he sighed and, although I am totally agnostic, I felt his soul depart at that moment."

The FW16's new rear end was introduced at Imola. It was ironic that at the beginning of 1994 Senna himself told the press that he would be surprised if there would be no large accidents that year. He referred to the fact that after the wide "white label" 26 inch Goodyear slicks were banned for 1993 (replaced by "yellow label"), now the technology at the very core of the cars, the science around which they had been based for the last few years (active suspension, traction control and ABS) was also banned for 1994. He surmised that the cars would have trouble staying on the road, which is exactly what was observed at the beginning of 1994. J. J. Lehto damaged his vertebrae at Silverstone in January and Jean Alesi broke his neck in pre-season testing, prior to Ratzenberger's and Senna's fatal accidents at Imola. During qualifying for the next race at Monaco, Karl Wendlinger suffered an accident which left him comatose for months; Ratzenberger's replacement, Andrea Montermini, broke his feet in the Simtek in Barcelona, and Pedro Lamy broke both knee-caps in testing at Silverstone in May.

There are other factors – Senna did not like the position of the steering column relative to his seating position and had repeatedly asked for it to be changed. At Imola Senna found himself in a car with his team's engineers struggling to cope and adapt to the ban of active suspension. Patrick Head and Adrian Newey agreed to Senna's request to lengthen the FW16's steering column, but there was no time to manufacture a longer steering shaft. The existing shaft was instead cut, extended by inserting a smaller diameter piece of tubing and welded together with reinforcing plates. Many surmise, based on comparing hours of onboard video footage from Brazil and Imola that the movement of the steering wheel during the race at Imola was completely abnormal. Senna on his final lap is seen turning the wheel left to full lock with no movement of the front wheels. Others have raised suspicion at what can clearly be seen on the onboard footage as Senna looking down onto his steering wheel seconds before entering Tamburello. The irony of the on board video available from Senna's car is that the final seconds of footage are missing. The approximately 1.5 seconds of remaining video which would have provided a definite answer as to the cause of Senna's death were lost in an act of astounding coincidence when the TV race director decided to switch camera signals at the very instant the Williams started to leave the track.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, numerous rumours abound that the remaining 1.5 seconds are not lost and reportedly show Senna's steering wheel clearly coming off in his hands as his car is leaving the track. In addition to this, the video shown in the Court Room on May 14, 1997 stopped 0.9 seconds before the impact [2], causing numerous questions. Although allegations exist that this video has been seen by a number of people at the top level of motorsport, there is no evidence to support its existence.
The Williams team was entangled for many years in a court case with the Italian prosecutors over manslaughter charges, but they were found not guilty and no action was taken against Williams. In 2004, the case was re-opened, but closed again in 2005 when there was no new evidence.At the conclusion of the Italian trial, Senna's FW16, chassis number 02, was returned to the Williams team. The team reported that the car was destroyed.His death was considered by many of his Brazilian fans to be a national tragedy, and the Brazilian government declared three days of national mourning. More than 1 million persons followed Senna's burial in São Paulo. Senna is buried at the Cemitério do Morumbi in his hometown of São Paulo.

I have no idols, I have no passions I have no heroes.
The only one were Ayrton Senna da Silva,
The Magic Senna.
From that 1st May
I have never watched F1 again.
And I never will.
*
RIP

*
Name: Ayrton Senna da Silva
Nationality: Brazilian
Date of birth: March 21, 1960 - Sao Paulo, Brazil
Date of death: May 1, 1994 - Imola, Italy
*
Monumental genius, frightening commitment,

and a willingness to go right to the very edge

forged Ayrton Senna da Silva into one of the greatest drivers,

and his record for 65 pole positions was still unchallenged

more than six years after his death

in the San Marino Grand Prix at Imola on May 1 1994.

texts: wikipedia and globo online