And all the magic was gone. After all the battles she needed something great to trust in anything again and it was just destroyed. All she wanted was a bit of respect and she got nothing at all. How come to see beauty in something that was so corrupted by the will of a man? There was not bad feelings though. The shock were so imense that washed away even a single bit of sense.

Some people come into your life looking after your light. When they get to take it from you, they leave you. When they cant get to take your light, they follow you waiting for the next opportunity to break you down.

And some day the same hand that hold her, threw her away.
But something happened. She didnt fall.
She was not a leaf.

Always a Perfect Circle

Sunshine

I have found a video that a guy did for her gf. Cute and fun. But it opened a door to a place that a long time I wasnt visiting: my own heart.

A simple song made me cry like a baby. I dont know if it is something from the memory or for a lack of something. All I know is that all I got in my life doesnt belong to me.. belongs to the world. Im just a way to make things alive or take a form.

I loved so much the Life.. and I still do. But as I said once.. it was never a corresponded love. Life for me was always a party for what I was not invited. But I didnt notice this when I was younger.. just now when I look back. And many other things Im started to understand now. I guess I was always protected for a kind of Superior force. If I had noticed all this before it would have been hit me deeply. Now is only history.

God bless everyone.

We all have priorities in life, even that it means to give up of our dreams. I dont know still if I'll have to give up of all my dreams. Yes.. I Have found out that I still have some. But to move on it means leave the past, deleting useless things and just carry on the results to make us a better person and have that big and sincere smile on the face. I know that it is impossible to forget some of the worst experiences in our lives but we have to be opened to receive a new reality to find what is the best in us.

I hate anesthetics. But there is something wrong.. so wrong that I needed a professional to help me out. Depression doesnt go by itself. Sadness can pass away but a deep depression is awful. It changes who you are. I started again to take a medecine to quit this dicease. It seems that it wont have a cure. For so long Im feeling weird and bad experiences made it come out again. Well..I had the illusion that I was fealed. I was wrong. The doctor said that I will need at least 2 weeks to start feeling the effects of the medecine. At the same time Im doing many things to keep me busy. Gosh.. Im so cold inside as never before. I dont know why I have the impression that deep inside I still have some hope. Hope of what.. i dont know exactly.

Money, fake friends, we can get anytime. I just need to catch myself again and look around and realize that it is real.

So far away she goes. She doesnt know exactly where but she keeps going on. She cant stop. Die inside is the real death.

God, keep me alive. You never failed with me. But what or who God is? Let me find my star part inside of me again and shine again with a big smile.. whatever happens.

I dont mind if someone cares or not about me. I just want to meet myself again...whoever I'll be after all this.

Deleting...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Deleting...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

While deleting, the sensation is exactly like this: being in a train passing through a lot of small cities quickly - places that you have never dreamed before and that was always there occupying a place that you could use with a new thing. They say that we are made of past. Sure. but we dont need to keep every single detail - good or bad - of this inside of us. Or maybe we should... who knows...? Anyway I dont like to keep anything for so long.

I have to training more the right side of my brain to be stronger than the left one, free my shoulders and surrender.

Deleting Virus...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Stuck at the same step
trying to delete what is useless inside of her.
Should she delete herself?

Deleting virus...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scanning...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Deleting files...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Keep holding on
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don't affect me

That's right
Deliverance of my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate

Wait
I'm coming undone
Irate
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate

Choke choke again
I thought my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me
Since I was young
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet sugar gun
Does not protect me

That's right
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now

I'm trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like i'm not getting better
Not getting better

..............

Up and down she goes
Between heaven and hell
Someday it will be over
She will be finally free

Sometimes we need more time to understand what is going on. Someone once said to me: "I dont know why people lie. Tell the truth is so easier!" The truth can be painful but more painful is find out later that all that were only lies. I despise liers, betrayers and cowards. Cause they are all the same.

But the most unbelievable is that we all came from the same beggining. When everything was only a chaos, everything was just one thing. So much later came the universe as we know now. So, humans and stars have something in common. It could be the most poetic thing but as exist darkness and light, also exist people really opposite to the other ones. Some are good, cheerful and shine. Others are evil, envolving, that take you to the other side if you are not strong enough to resist.

I gave up of such people a long time ago. But sometimes - as I am a human being - I do mistakes in my observation. But sooner or later truth always shows up. And so it is so easier to let it all behind.

The Kick

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
   Love them anyway.
   
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
   Do good anyway.
   
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
   Succeed anyway.
   
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
   Do good anyway.
   
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
   Be honest and frank anyway.
   
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
   Think big anyway.
   
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
   Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
   
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
   Build anyway.
   
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
   Help people anyway.
   
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
    Give the world the best you have anyway.

and finally the lion ate the bird. it didnt take too long, did it?

All things we like and love could be eternal so we would have all the time to get them. Time is eternal itself but not the things that live under its domain. And someday I will not be here anymore as any else I know. And If I leave this life before you, you will never find me again. Would you miss me? Would you think that you wasted your time waiting for the right time? Would you regret to dont have met me?
I dont know why people waste their time. Or maybe they are not interested enough to make it works.

Suddenly she noticed what she was: a little bird with a small heart beating fast for someone. But he was from another specie. How come a bird could love a lion? Even a simple friendship between a bird and a lion is not possible: someday the instinct would speak louder and the lion will eat the bird.

A New Year is coming soon

At this moment (20:54) the new X-mas tree is being presented on Lagoa Rodrigo de Freitas. I can hear the fireworks from here. Every year a big one is made. I like the sound of the fireworks.

At the end of each year fireworks are seen throughout the city. At the downtown, often they throw pieces of paper through the windows that carried by the wind flood the streets (poor of who will clean it all ..). But it is party, I mean, today the party have officially began. It is time for hope in years to come.

I look through the window. Hundreds of windows - which hide the fate of each one - shine in front of my eyes. They are so close and so distant. I close one eye and I can touch each one of those windows. But I cannot touch their lives that there is within them. Just as I have a body but cannot reach my own soul.

I do not understand my own life. And if there was another life before that, I have handled many, despise them and not loved as it should. Because that is how the world was always to me.

What saved me always was my dreams. I have always believed in better days and lived always with a smile printed on the face. But all the hope, the optimism, my love for the next one, were not enough because the stones were always in the crucial moments of my life making me start over again.

Looking some photographs of my childhood, I think that child didnt even imagine all that was yet to come.

Even nowadays I catch myself dreaming. Looking at a star or at the blue sky while working. The soul wants to fly but the body does not allow - or will it be a fate? I thought my destiny was in my hands, but this really is not possible to everyone.

What I did with all those stones? My dream is vast and the stones are not yet sufficient to build my castle. I have suffered from less? Or perhaps I relied too much on my own power to change things?

A new year will start soon in the near future. And once again my dreams will be renewed . Without them I can build nothing. Without them I am nobody.

The story didnt end yet.