Aliens

"You may not believe it, but there are people who go through life with very little friction or distress. They dress well, eat well, sleep well. They are contented with their family life. They have moments of grief but all in all they are undisturbed and often feel very good. And when they die it is an easy death, usually in their sleep. I am not one of them. Oh no, I am not one of them, I am not even near to being one of them. They are there and I am HERE".

The Aliens by Charles Bukowski

Michael Jackson - 1958 - 2009

WRONG!

The day that Rio stopped

"The traffic stopped to see it" - said a carioca (a person who lives in Rio de Janeiro)

Phenomenon surprised visitors on the beach of São Conrado, Rio de Janeiro - Brazil, in the South Zone close to Leblon, Ipanema and Barra da Tijuca. Cold front should continue until Thursday, causing cloudy time.

The cone is formed very close to the coast, in São Conrado . (Photo: Ana Pini / TV Globo).

It is happening in Brazil and in some cities close to the beach.

Source: O Globo - G1

We all have priorities in life, even that it means to give up of our dreams. I dont know still if I'll have to give up of all my dreams. Yes.. I Have found out that I still have some. But to move on it means leave the past, deleting useless things and just carry on the results to make us a better person and have that big and sincere smile on the face. I know that it is impossible to forget some of the worst experiences in our lives but we have to be opened to receive a new reality to find what is the best in us.

I hate anesthetics. But there is something wrong.. so wrong that I needed a professional to help me out. Depression doesnt go by itself. Sadness can pass away but a deep depression is awful. It changes who you are. I started again to take a medecine to quit this dicease. It seems that it wont have a cure. For so long Im feeling weird and bad experiences made it come out again. Well..I had the illusion that I was fealed. I was wrong. The doctor said that I will need at least 2 weeks to start feeling the effects of the medecine. At the same time Im doing many things to keep me busy. Gosh.. Im so cold inside as never before. I dont know why I have the impression that deep inside I still have some hope. Hope of what.. i dont know exactly.

Money, fake friends, we can get anytime. I just need to catch myself again and look around and realize that it is real.

So far away she goes. She doesnt know exactly where but she keeps going on. She cant stop. Die inside is the real death.

God, keep me alive. You never failed with me. But what or who God is? Let me find my star part inside of me again and shine again with a big smile.. whatever happens.

I dont mind if someone cares or not about me. I just want to meet myself again...whoever I'll be after all this.

Deleting...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Breaking the useless chains

Many things happening around the word.. good ones and......bad ones mostly. But how to change the world if we cant even change ourselves? People have theories about how to be good, they have a religion to see the rules but most never follow them.

But I can understand why people give up. I see them like the childrem that someday they were.. and they keep playing like kids as the world were a big playground. But in a playgroung always have the strongest and the weakest. There is the one who beats and the ones who are beaten.. The winner and the loser... just like the world we are living.

If you give up, thats fine. Theres a lot of people that cant handle life. But keep on your mind that it is always a new beggining.. in life.. or after that.

Im trying to be on track again inside myself. It is not a shame to confess a weakness. Even an warrior have hard times and feel fear as well.

Bad experiences will always happen.. but many of them can be avoided by us. Our weakness sometimes make us believe in bad character persons.

Try to be free of your expectations. Enjoy what you have.

Be your best friend.

Words of Wisdom

What is happening around the world and with our planet is too much to be ignored. I remember the letter of the Chief Seattle to the USA President Franklin Pierce in 1855 (or 1851, 1854 as it has been said along the years):

"I am a savage and do not understand any other way. I have seen a thousand rotting buffaloes on the prairie, left by the white man who shot them from a passing train. I am a savage and do not understand how the smoking iron horse can be made more important than the buffalo that we kill only to stay alive.

What is man without the beasts? If all the beasts were gone, man would die from a great loneliness of the spirit. For whatever happens to the beasts, soon happens to man. All things are connected."

"Teach your children that we have taught our children that the earth is our mother. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of earth. If men spit upon the ground, they spit upon themselves. This we know; the earth does not belong to man; man belongs to the earth. This we know. All things are connected like the blood which unites one family. All things are connected.

Even the white man, whose God walks and talks with him as friend to friend, cannot be exempt from the common destiny. We may be brothers after all. We shall see. One thing we know which the white man may one day discover; our God is the same God.

You may think now that you own Him as you wish to own our land; but you cannot. He is the God of man, and His compassion is equal for the red man and the white. The earth is precious to Him, and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator. The whites too shall pass; perhaps sooner than all other tribes. Contaminate your bed and you will one night suffocate in your own waste.

But in your perishing you will shine brightly fired by the strength of the God who brought you to this land and for some special purpose gave you dominion over this land and over the red man.

That destiny is a mystery to us, for we do not understand when the buffalo are all slaughtered, the wild horses are tamed, the secret corners of the forest heavy with the scent of many men and the view of the ripe hills blotted by talking wires.

Where is the thicket? Gone. Where is the eagle? Gone.

The end of living and the beginning of survival."

If the letter is a true document or not, doesnt matter, but it was written in those times like the words of a prophet, in this case, someone (maybe a "savage"?) with a view centuries beyond than others.

Save The World

   

Last April 2, was gathered in London, 19 of the 20 countries of the G20, for the Global reform. Everything is explained at the Explanatory guide to the communiqué at the London Summit 2009 site.

As the economist Hamish McRae said "This summit won't save the world, but at least it has made an important start", we all hope the same.

Save Our Planet

I was amazed after looking through my window and most of them were off... as mine! It was a big silence in a city that never sleeps. At least something good in this dangerous and useless life.

According to the scientists the countries of North of our planet will suffer the the biggest cold weather soon. But all the world will see awful desasters if nothing changed.

I hope that this moviment generates many others. But not just beautiful acts but something effective from all countries, mainly the most developed ones, responsable for all this mess in our planet. I didnt say it. All the channels say it everyday. They tell what the scientists are seeing for our future if our planet doesnt change the way to treat them.

I dont mind for myself. I do for my kids.

"I have no friends; I make my Mind my Friend.
I have no enemy; I make Incautiousness my Enemy."
Samurai Creed
Bushido

Deleting...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

While deleting, the sensation is exactly like this: being in a train passing through a lot of small cities quickly - places that you have never dreamed before and that was always there occupying a place that you could use with a new thing. They say that we are made of past. Sure. but we dont need to keep every single detail - good or bad - of this inside of us. Or maybe we should... who knows...? Anyway I dont like to keep anything for so long.

I have to training more the right side of my brain to be stronger than the left one, free my shoulders and surrender.

Deleting Virus...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Stuck at the same step
trying to delete what is useless inside of her.
Should she delete herself?

Deleting virus...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Scanning...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Deleting files...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

From The Dust We Came, To The Dust We All Shall Return

Internet - The Humanity's Greatest Invention

A despite of all crazy things that can happen in internet it is still the greatest invention of the humanity.

Be aware in Internet!

Although I have hidden my comments I can show them at any time by re-selecting "Show". So just I can delete them or keep them and NO ONE ELSE. The address of my blog is only visible to my friends where the same person who sent me all those messages took it. Steal passwords and take details of someone in the list of the stolen person is criminal. Mainly to make use of these informations to harass people in internet.

"The Connecticut Computer Crimes Task Force was formed in March 2003 to investigate crimes occurring over the Internet. These crimes include computer intrusion, Internet fraud, on-line crimes against children, copyright violations, and Internet threats or harassment. The Task Force includes agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, the Connecticut State Police, the Connecticut"

Source: Federal Bureau of Investigation - FBI

Man Sentenced for Internet Harassment

South Carolina Man Sentenced In First Federal Prosecution Of Internet Harassment

From Federal Bureau of Investigations, for About.com

Filed In: Online Safety

James Robert Murphy, 38, of Columbia, South Carolina, was sentenced to 5 years of probation, 500 hours of community service, and more than $12,000 in restitution today for two counts of Use of a Telecommunications Device (the internet) with Intent to Annoy, Abuse, Threaten or Harass.

Murphy was indicted in April 2004, for sending harassing emails to Seattle resident Joelle Ligon and to other employees of the City of Seattle. He pleaded guilty to two counts in June 2004. In sentencing Murphy, U.S. District Court Judge Thomas Zilly told Murphy he "...did not demonstrate the type of remorse he should under the circumstances."

In his plea agreement, Murphy admitted he had a sporadic romantic relationship with Ligon from 1984-1990. In May of 2002, Murphy began sending dozens of uninvited and harassing emails and facsimile (fax) messages to Ligon and her co-workers. Murphy hid his identity with special email programs and created the "Anti Joelle Fan Club" (AJFC) and repeatedly sent threatening emails from this alleged group.

Murphy disseminated false information about Ligon's background to her co-workers. The harassment escalated over time, with Murphy sending pornographic material and making it appear that Ligon was sending the pornographic material to her co-workers at the City of Seattle. Even after Ligon was able to identify the person harassing her and get a court order barring contact, Murphy violated the order by sending an email denying he was the harasser.

No Remorse From Murphy

In court, Murphy told the Judge what he did was "stupid, hurtful and just plain wrong. I was going though a bad patch in my life. I want to take my lumps and get on with life."

In sentencing Murphy Judge Zilly noted that he was surprised that Murphy "made no effort to indicate your remorse to the victim, to indicate you were sorry." The Judge noted that he had received a letter from Joelle Ligon unlike any he had ever received from a crime victim.

In it Ligon asked the Judge to impose "an effective and compassionate sentence." Judge Zilly decided to impose 500 hours of community service instead of the 160 hours requested by the government. He ordered Murphy to pay $12,297.23 to the City of Seattle to compensate the City for 160 hours of work time lost by employees dealing with the harassment.

Task Force Targets Cyber Crime

This case was investigated by the Northwest Cyber Crime Task Force, composed of the FBI, United States Secret Service, Internal Revenue Service, Seattle Police Department, and Washington State Patrol. The NWCCTF investigates Cyber-related violations including criminal computer intrusions, intellectual property theft, child pornography and internet fraud.

The Task Force brings federal, state and local law enforcement agencies together to share intelligence and conduct joint investigations.

This case is believed to be the first federal prosecution of cyber harassment in the United States. Assistant United States Attorney Kathryn A. Warma is prosecuting the case.

Source: About.com from FBI

"When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun.
Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious.
You could break a bone or a heart.
You look before you leap and sometimes
you don't leap at all because
there's not always someone there to catch you.
And in life, there's no safety net.
When did it stop being fun and start being scary?"

Maybe some women aren´t meant to be tamed.
Maybe they just need to run free
til they find someone just as wild to run with them...

And while you dont find the one,
better running alone.

Keep holding on
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don't affect me

That's right
Deliverance of my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate

Wait
I'm coming undone
Irate
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate

Choke choke again
I thought my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me
Since I was young
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet sugar gun
Does not protect me

That's right
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now

I'm trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like i'm not getting better
Not getting better

..............

Up and down she goes
Between heaven and hell
Someday it will be over
She will be finally free

Times to times I like to make a review about how started my blog and how it is now. A professor of Theater Arts once said that all story starts with an "order", goes to the chaos to later be back to the "order" again. It is like a kind of parable with its concavity turned down. But life I think is like an elliptical or circular line: never ends. And to Everything that has a beginning has an end and to every end has a new beggining (btw I like Matrix quotes! in italic is from The Matrix Revolutions - 2003)

I started it simple. I was always losing all my papers. Net would be a good place to keep it and with images! I would never draw such images. Words and images are the perfect match sometimes. Others is better just write some few words or show just an image. It depends on how we are feeling. My intention was writing my book about net relations. But suddenly I was having fun writing about me, what I was doing or anything else.

I have mails (I keep it all!), chats, photos etc. It would be enough to design how people behave themselves on net. Sometimes the most brave one in net is a skinny and timid person in real, or a coward one.

I had my apex here - " bloggingly" talking. Each story had its ending. And I could find some answers while writing. It is a good exercise to check how is working your thought line and just few people could understand what I said. As my friend Shashi and Traveller, and both from IIT! You have to be really a nerd to be there! lol But I am not that clever. With time till the most simple people can be a wise one. Im not wise though.

My journey didnt end yet. But it passed from the middle and everything is getting to that point when everything is so easy to understand. Well.. maybe Im close to the end. And when I leave I will go in peace. I fixed what was wrong, I accepted what I couldnt change and I have forgiven/forgive my enemies - if I had or have any. But I still laugh of the anger of some people. Anger is so useless .. unless you use it to move on and turn bad things into good ones. This is a positive way to use the anger. All feelings are good. Depends on how you use it. I walked a long way till I learn to manage my anger.

We never stop learning.

Sometimes we need more time to understand what is going on. Someone once said to me: "I dont know why people lie. Tell the truth is so easier!" The truth can be painful but more painful is find out later that all that were only lies. I despise liers, betrayers and cowards. Cause they are all the same.

But the most unbelievable is that we all came from the same beggining. When everything was only a chaos, everything was just one thing. So much later came the universe as we know now. So, humans and stars have something in common. It could be the most poetic thing but as exist darkness and light, also exist people really opposite to the other ones. Some are good, cheerful and shine. Others are evil, envolving, that take you to the other side if you are not strong enough to resist.

I gave up of such people a long time ago. But sometimes - as I am a human being - I do mistakes in my observation. But sooner or later truth always shows up. And so it is so easier to let it all behind.

Pirate I Will Always Be

This is me

As I used to be.
I had a ship to command
I was always trying a new brand
A lot of treasures, you see
That I've got over the seas
Now my soul is a prisioner
In a body different than mine
But someday I will be back
To take back again
My pirate empire.

Taz

The Kick

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
   Love them anyway.
   
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
   Do good anyway.
   
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
   Succeed anyway.
   
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
   Do good anyway.
   
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
   Be honest and frank anyway.
   
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
   Think big anyway.
   
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
   Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
   
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
   Build anyway.
   
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
   Help people anyway.
   
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
    Give the world the best you have anyway.

and finally the lion ate the bird. it didnt take too long, did it?

All things we like and love could be eternal so we would have all the time to get them. Time is eternal itself but not the things that live under its domain. And someday I will not be here anymore as any else I know. And If I leave this life before you, you will never find me again. Would you miss me? Would you think that you wasted your time waiting for the right time? Would you regret to dont have met me?
I dont know why people waste their time. Or maybe they are not interested enough to make it works.

Suddenly she noticed what she was: a little bird with a small heart beating fast for someone. But he was from another specie. How come a bird could love a lion? Even a simple friendship between a bird and a lion is not possible: someday the instinct would speak louder and the lion will eat the bird.

Kiss me

With a big smile on her face, she went to sleep happy
She could see and almost touch her twin soul
Al the pain was gone
Her heart was in peace
Like a beautiful sunny day.
She was red again.

Jeg elsker deg.

Happy New Year

The First Day

Feeling alone in a vast universe.
Looking around she can see how she loves life.
It was never a corresponded love
but what could she do?
She would ever love the colours,
the sounds,
the wind....
that flows through her hairs
and bring her memories
of something that she would never had
but how she miss it!

Inside her soul plays a beautiful song
that fulfill her heart with love and passion
but cant fulfill her loneliness.

As a soul in her farewell
she was sad because her mom would never love her,
happy to have been reconnected with her daughter,
glad that her son would be a pratical man
and in bliss cause she have found the man of her life,
although she knows
that she'd never meet him.

No one will fulfill your dreams.
No one will love you as you need to be.
No one will be there when you most need.
But one thing you can be sure:
you will always have yourself.

Poem in a Straight Line - Fernando Pessoa

I never knew who had never been screwed up in life.

Everyone I know have been champions in everything.

And I so often paltry, often pork, often vile,
I often unanswerable parasite,
Unexcusable dirty,
I, who often have no patience even to take a bath
I, who so often have been ridiculous, absurd,
I wrapped the feet of carpet in publicly labels,
I have been grotesque, petty, arrogant and submissive,
I have suffered and insults quiet
And when I do not have been quiet, I have been even more ridiculous;
I, who have been hilarious for the servants of hotel,
I, I felt the eyes of guys blink of freight,
I, who have made financial shame, borrowed without pay,
I, that when the time's punch came, I have been crouching down
Out the possibility of the punch;
I, who have suffered the anguish of the silly little things,
I see that I dont have a pair in it all in this world.

All the people I know and talk to me
Never had a ridiculous act, never suffered insults,
They were always nothing but a prince - all princes - in life ...

I wish to hear the voice of someone
Who confess not a sin, but a scandal;
That counts, not the violence, but a cowardly!
They are all the Ideal, that I hear and speak.
Who in this wide world must confess that once was vile?
Oh princes, my brothers,

Go, I'm sick of demigod!
Where are people in this world?

So only I am who is vile and wrong in this land?

Women may not have been loved them,
May have been betrayed - but not ridiculous!
And I, I have been ridiculous and haven't been betrayed,
How can I talk to my superiors without waver?
I, that have been vile, vile literally,
Vil in the sense of dread and petty meanness.

Fernando Pessoa (under the pseudonym of Alvaro de Campos)

Merry Christmas

~ These things I warmly wish for you ~
~ someone to love and be loved ~
~a good work to do ~
~ a beautiful sun always shining over you ~
~ a lot of cheer ~
~ and a guardian angel always near ~

"A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials" Seneca, Lucius

"Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your hear."

A New Year is coming soon

At this moment (20:54) the new X-mas tree is being presented on Lagoa Rodrigo de Freitas. I can hear the fireworks from here. Every year a big one is made. I like the sound of the fireworks.

At the end of each year fireworks are seen throughout the city. At the downtown, often they throw pieces of paper through the windows that carried by the wind flood the streets (poor of who will clean it all ..). But it is party, I mean, today the party have officially began. It is time for hope in years to come.

I look through the window. Hundreds of windows - which hide the fate of each one - shine in front of my eyes. They are so close and so distant. I close one eye and I can touch each one of those windows. But I cannot touch their lives that there is within them. Just as I have a body but cannot reach my own soul.

I do not understand my own life. And if there was another life before that, I have handled many, despise them and not loved as it should. Because that is how the world was always to me.

What saved me always was my dreams. I have always believed in better days and lived always with a smile printed on the face. But all the hope, the optimism, my love for the next one, were not enough because the stones were always in the crucial moments of my life making me start over again.

Looking some photographs of my childhood, I think that child didnt even imagine all that was yet to come.

Even nowadays I catch myself dreaming. Looking at a star or at the blue sky while working. The soul wants to fly but the body does not allow - or will it be a fate? I thought my destiny was in my hands, but this really is not possible to everyone.

What I did with all those stones? My dream is vast and the stones are not yet sufficient to build my castle. I have suffered from less? Or perhaps I relied too much on my own power to change things?

A new year will start soon in the near future. And once again my dreams will be renewed . Without them I can build nothing. Without them I am nobody.

The story didnt end yet.

The Next Step

This is the version presented at the end

of the Theoretical Part of Hair Design classes today.. wonderful!

There are some words written in Portuguese in this video:

Expectativa = Expectation

Aprendizado = Learning

Confiança = Trust

Criatividade = Creativity

Determinação = Determination

Persistência = Persistence

Liderança = Leadership

Trabalho em Equipe = Teamwork

Autonomia = Autonomy

Disciplina = Discipline

Motivação = Motivation

Harmonia = Harmony

Superação = Overshoot

.

.

.

Now..

the next step...

.

.

.

thanks God..

i'm still alive.

It was getting cold and the firsts drops of rain started touching her face. Slowly she looked to the sky.. shadows of gray were passing so fast...the wind came to meet her thoughts - she winked in a slow motion.

Her ex-husband was so different that day. He didnt say goodbye but she felt like something was making her fade. She didnt know yet what she would plan later. She has been always a stone in someone's shoes.. then now she would be a relief. It was not self compassion.. it was just the only way to take.

She felt a relief as well. Like.. she was leaving her stones back.. getting lighter to fly.

I didnt find any answer.
I dont know nothing.
Im not the f*cking choosen! And I will never be.
Maybe this is the only answer I'll ever have....

Happy Birthday!

The only one who was waiting for her was her little son. "My God how much I love him" - she thought. His hug could take her to a better world. The only hug she received at home.

She had gone to her classes at noon and she accidentally told to just one woman that was her birthday. "Shh.. dont tell to anyone, please.." And the woman gave her a silent and warm hug.

Since early morning she started to receive wishes for her birthday from his net friends. She couldnt count all the wishes. It had a lot of them! She read each one with a big smile printed on her face (but she couldnt reply to everyone cause suddenly the server was too busy). It seemed a big virtual party!!! Like a big city full of lights and happy people...

She was happy .. in a silent way. And the feeling was so good. The day had been so colorful even being a silent one. The rain has stopped. It was not so cold anymore.

Small World

This is a small world after all....

Ghosts

A Brahms song hit her on her heart. Those ghosts were so real that the pain in her heart now was real too. She would quit them from inside.. the only way to find that joy again... completelly.

Violence!

Violence against me doesnt mean just beat me. Everytime you treat me as a whore, everytime you betray me a despite of my sincerity, everytime you leave our kids to live your adventures with another women, you hurt me. Stop to kill me a bit every single day.

Every minute feeling as if she was worse, for the first time in her life, she wants too much an anesthesia.

The Trouble with Love is....

*
Love can be a many splendored thing

Can't deny the joy it brings

A dozen roses,

diamond rings

Dreams for sale

and fairy tales

*

It'll make you hear a symphony

And you just want the world to see

But like a drug that makes you blind,

It'll fool ya every time

*

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger than your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn't care how fast you fall

And you can't refuse the call

See, you got no say at all

*

Now I was once a fool, it's true

I played the game by all the rules

But now my world's a deeper blue

I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too

I swore I'd never love again

I swore my heart would never mend

Said love wasn't worth the pain

But then I hear it call my name

*

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger than your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn't care how fast you fall

And you can't refuse the call

See, you got no say at all

*

Every time I turn around

I think I've got it all figured out

My heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'

Over and over again

This sad story always ends the same

Me standin' in the pourin' rain

It seems no matter what I do

It tears my heart in two

*

(The trouble with love is) The trouble with love,

(It can tear you up inside) It can tear you up inside

(Make your heart believe a lie) Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger than your pride(The trouble with love is)

It's in your heartIt's in your soul (doesn't care how fast you fall)

You won't get no control(and you can't refuse the call)

See, you got no say at all(The trouble with love is)

Oh, yeah(It can tear you up inside)

(Make your heart believe a lie).

.

.

I'm The One

I'm the one that hurts you

.

.

.

I'm the one who cares

.

.

.

I'm the one looking down at you

.

.

.

I'm the one who's there

.

.

.

What do you think I've become?

.

.

.

What do you think I've been gone?

.

.

.

I'm the one looking down on you

.

.

.

Where do you go when no one's there

.

.

.

When no one's there

.

.

.

When no one's there

.

.

.

When no one's there

.

.

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.

.

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.

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Desde aquele domingo ela ainda ouvia nitidamente as risadas dele dizendo ao telefone que estava com a namorada. Ela nunca pensara em um fundo musical para sua última cerimônia (queria ser cremada), mas com certeza aquele não seria o som que ela gostaria de ouvir nos seus últimos dias.

Ela havia chorado e parado, como uma reação catatônica ao fato de finalmente ver a verdade. Ele fez de tudo para que ela acreditasse nele, mas na realidade ele estava apenas se divertindo. Coisa antiga, não? Mas muito comum.

Quando ela ligara, alguém atendera ao telefone sem dizer nada e então ela pode ouvir as vozes, mulheres e a voz dele, os risos dele. Óbvio que alguém fizera aquilo para que ela ouvisse. "RI-DÍ-CU-LO! Quanta criatividade! Só podia ser coisa de mulher mesmo. "

Ela ligou novamente. Atitudes como essa jamais a intimidaram mesmo... Ela queria ouvir a verdade .. e ouviu! Da maneira mais ridícula deste mundo.. mas ouviu! Finalmente! "Pensei que você fosse especial, mas não... você é igual à qualquer outro... fácil de encontrar. Mas não se preocupe: você é nor-mal! :)))" disse ela parecendo feliz ao telefone.

E o que parecia ser o futuro homem de sua vida se transformou em um sapo que jamais se tornaria um príncipe: nem fudendo! "Ah.. ele era apenas um jogador.." Ela jamais gostara de pessoas óbvias, mas jogadores, depois do primeiro lance - como a maioria das pessoas, sempre o são.

De qualquer forma, essa foi sua última chance. O tempo se esgotara. Agora precisava se preparar para a retirada dos tumores - via retal ^^ ("Parece piada da vida...." )

*---*

From that Sunday she still was hearing clearly his laughs on the phone saying that he was with his girlfriend. She never thought about a music as a background for her last ceremony (She wanted to be cremated), but certainly "that" would not be the sound that she would like to hear in his final days.

She had stopped and mourned as a catatonic reaction to the fact that finally she sees the truth. He did everything to make her believed on him, but in reality it was only for his fun. Old thing, aint it? But very common.

When she called, someone hang up the phone without saying anything and then she could hear the voices, women and his voice and laughts. Obvious that someone did it to make her hear it. "RI-DI-CU-LOUS! What a stupid creativity! Only women could do something like this!"

She called again. Attitudes like this had never intimidating her anyway... She wanted to hear the truth .. and she did! In the most ridiculous way of this world!! But she did!! Finally!!!! "All I wanted all this time was the truth. Life is made with little boxes and yours was a mess. Now I can close it. I thought you were special, but ... you are not. You are the same as any other one.. easy to find anywhere.... But do not worry: you are nor-mal! :)))" She said it looking happy at the phone as she was kiddin.

And what seemed to be the future man of her life has turned into a frog that would never become a prince: neither fucking! Ugh! "Ah .. he was a player .." She never liked obvious people and players, after the first bid - like most of people, are always obvious.

Otherwise, this was her last chance. The time was over. Now she needed to be prepared for the withdrawal of tumors - via rectal ^ ^ ( "It seems a joke of life .... !")

*---*

Jo Guttu
April 22, 2008 at 2:19pm

hi love

I`m so happy to get this done, and I really hope that you now understand that I am serious and not a bullshitter.So happy to know you,and I am planning my summerwork and the next months coming.my plans for a pub were I live,I wont do anything more about....the husband of my sis Gry has taken full controll over the pub project, and it`s not interesting for me to work for him...I have worked for myself for more than 20 years, and I want to continue like that:)in the next few hours I will know what wekends I will hav to work, what gigs I have lined up and when I can take a trip over to you:)I sorted out in the bank today with a fixed withdrawel from my account for a thousand reals every 22 of the month:)get ur taxes paid, and maybe ur exhusband will help out with ur bills love:)It sem I will have prox 4000 reals into my account every month just for rent and to get furniture and so on .this is lined up for november allready:)it will be an extra nice income to have, and it wont be such a preassure to make a lot of money.....maybe...:)a couple of my arrangements in summer will probably pay for whatever is needed to start up whatever...You are a dream come true for me, and i really really hope u will like me when we meet....soon:)will mail u later on with the progress in workshedule and so on.Hav a nice day love and have a glass of wine for and with me as well:)big hug and kisses. Yours Jo

And she believed on him...

Pela manhã levantou-se com o amargo sabor da derrota e de nada adiantou todo o asseio naquela manhã: sua alma estava impregnada com aquelas gargalhadas... ele rira dela. "É tão estranho amar alguém que nos humlha." Ao menos pode perceber o quanto havia se enganado. O que parecia perfeito era na realidade uma farsa. Mas o mundo não é a maior delas?

Tudo um dia estará acabado, pois esta é a ordem natural das coisas, e o que sobrará de tanta filosofia, tanta soberba, tanta mediocridade, tantos valores (errados ou não)? NADA! ABSOLUTAMENTE NADA!

"Oh Meu Deus! E Você me mandou aqui prá isso?!" (se Deus existir...)

*

translation

*

In the morning she woke up with the bitter taste of defeat and nothing has changed throughout all the cleanliness in that morning: his soul was imbued with those laughs ... he laughed of her. "It's so strange when we love someone who depises us." At least we can understand how big had been our mistake. What seemed perfect was in fact a farce. But is the world not the biggest of them? Everything will be finished one day, it's the natural order of things, and what will rest of so much philosophy, so superb, so much mediocrity, so many values (erroneous or not)? NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

"Oh my God! And did You send me here for this?!" (if God exists...)

Walking down the street the effect of that delicious meal was fading. She looks around and God!... (if IT exists!) what the hell is this place? Even her favorite french perfume or the idea of buying some new shoes or clothes it was not sounding attractive today. "Well.. Im having serious problems..." A dormancy was not just in her body but in the way she was perceiving everything around her. The futility of things and the repetition of the events in the history and at the life of any person were something that turns life completely uninteresting.

She came back home, looked at herself in the mirror, made a grimace and went to the hairdressing to cut her hair.. just a bit.

Ela colocou cuidadosamente o pacote sobre a cadeira ao seu lado - havia entrado em uma cafeteria. Nas unhas um esmalte discreto dava-lhe um aspecto sofisticado - há muito tempo só ia à manicure para polir as unhas.
Duas turistas conversavam em mesas separadas: a negra - saudável- parecia estudar ouvindo Ipod e a outra de aspecto asiático navegava na internet em seu laptop sobre a mesa.
Outros vários turistas entraram ao mesmo tempo em que o pedido dela chega: cappuccino com cheesecake coberto com grosssa calda de amoras....hmmmmm - tentava, com isso, amenizar a dor do choro contido e a solidão de sua alma. E mais turistas entram atraídos pelo aspecto aconchegante do lugar e por ser aquela a melhor casa de cafés do bairro: poderia-se provar cafés do mundo inteiro!

E enquanto isso as papilas gustativas de nossa personagem central (agora com detecção perfeita - ela havia parado de fumar) continuavam a proporcionar o delírio de degustar algo realmente delicioso. "Hmm ... orgásmico" - pensou ela.

.

translation

.

She carefully placed the package on the chair beside her - she had entered into a cafeteria. In a nail enamel discreet gave her something sophisticated - for a long time she only would the manicure for polishing nails. Two tourists were talking in separate tables: the black - healthy- seemed to study listening Ipod and the other with aspect of Asian was surfing in net on your laptop on the table. Other more tourists came at the same time as her request is brought: cappuccino with cheesecake covered with blackberries cream .... hmmmmm - she was trying, with that, alleviate the pain of crying contained and the solitude of her soul.

And more tourists come attracted by the cozy aspect of the place and for being one of the best coffee house of the neighborhood: someone could prove cafes from many places around the world!

And while the taste buds of our central character (now with detection perfect - she had stopped smoking) continued to provide the delirium of taste something really delicious. "Hmm ... orgasmichal" - she thought.

and in her night flight there is only darkness... night without moon, silent, perfect for crimes being committed in the distraction of those who believe to be - this kind of night- a harbinger of tranquillity.

she flies alone. with the silence and the altitude it is easy to hear the wirring of her enormous wings ... but there is no place in this world where she wants to go ... humans are there and they are not an attraction to her eyes anymore. she just still likes to see the great metropolis illuminated at the distance, as in a film in which the mission is to exterminate the entire civilization.

useless things should not exist ...

Once again

in a Monday, January 17, 2005 i wrote this:

im burning..it hurts..at the end ill be just ashes..and ill need to reborn again...

but we need to be survivers..life is very short to care abt people that cannot accept each other how they are.. if u have a friend in case dont u accept him/her how he/she is? yes..u need to accept them..if u are really a friend.. friends dont look for u just when u are happy..they walk besides u even when u are falling down.. i hav friends..some of them were people that nobody care before..i gave them my care..my light..my friendship..and they could keep a better way to live.. if a person that u call friend doenst care abt u when u are in your bad days..he/she cant be called as friend anymore..itll be better let he/she go away.. many people ask me how can i have so different friends...simple..i love people..i love this life..ill be always besides a friend when he/she needs me.. think abt how your friends are with u..think abt how u are with your friends.. and remember..we are nothing to judge anyone..

http://madmaktub.blogspot.com/2005/01/burning.html

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Its strange how we can say the same thing but wih different ending. Im not strong as I used to be. I was born many times but now I think that I have to define what is death, ashes, reborn for me. Life is totally different that I dreamt and I didnt have enough - a portuguese poet already said it in Passing Hours. Where am I going, I dont know. But if I dont like I know how to finish a possible nightmare. BTW.. I feel that Im not living my own life. There are many things too much wrong to be my life...things that I cannot change. For awhile, look at Fênix makes me feel good.