Foucault pendulum

Thanks God for everything you have given to me

"Everything You Want"

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means - a lot - to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean - a lot - to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why

(only changed a bit the lyrics - he means a lot to me)

How many times do I have to die? How many times do I have to be born again? How many times do I have to be punished for the others sins? How many times do I need to feel the pain that doesnt belong to me?

I made a lot of mistakes put I payed each one of them in each year of my whole life. Till my birth were difficult, till my childhood was painful, my teen age was something that I never could understand, and as an adult I still feel the hits on my back every single day.

When I feel the breeze of happiness I start fearing because I know it lasts just a little bit.

Why give me to the other humans like to give meat to the beasts? I dont understand why it is happening to me. Will I get this pain till I die again without understand once more? Im just a human, not a divine creature.

If there is nothing you can do God, please, just keep me sane. So, one day I can find the meaning for all this.

Mea Culpa

Doesnt matter what they do with her. Any reaction from her is always her fault. And at just one signal from any human is enough to her being burn like a witch.

Burn witch, burn. In a way or another you will always be the guilty. So, pay for our sins and we can be free to commit more mistakes in your name and be free of all punishment. You will be punished always in our place. It is written in the stars.

There is no place to hide witch. We will always find you to punish you. You are our only hope to survive.

Anybody there? Hello! Anybod...
Dont need to scrrrrrream and call twice little girl, Im always arrrrrrrround. What do ya want frrrom me?
I want to escape!
To where?
Anywhere...... to the stars!
Alone?! Hahaha Ya cant do it alone!
No! You can take me with you!
Did ya already forrrrget all I did to ya? Are ya not afrrrrrrrrrraid ov me? Im a heinous and too scary creaturrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre.
Doesnt matter. Everyone take always a piece of me anyway and they always say sweet words to me. At least you tell me the truth and I want to go with you.
Nope and neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Please, everyone is gone. They always go away and Im in pieces. Im all wierd now, see?
Neverrrrrrrrr tell a single worrrrrrrrrrrrd about that little dirty girrrrl or I will cut all yer finger tips, only to starrrrrrrrrt.
Hmmmm it is not the firrrrrst time ya asked me that... it has to be the lassssst!
Deal! You are the best! The only one is always around! You lend me your wings once remember? :)
Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I will not talk these things anymore. May we go now?
Ya know what to do. Hold my horrible hand dirty girrrrl.
:)

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

“Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.”
- Albert Eisntein -

Childhood - The Age of Silence.

In the end will be only me and my blog. I used to write in books and since I was a child I liked to read and write. Sories, memories - even being so young - it was like I was 100 years old. I knew everything that would happen to me in the future, not the facts exact but the feelings.
I remember when I was in a nun school, every years we used to go to a Catholic parade. Many schools were there to pray and see the Bishop.

There was an out door that was so impressive for me. It was a ordinary one witha woman, a man and some curtains with strikes. But looking to that outdoor the feeling was so heavy and I didnt understand why. So, once and while I kept looking to the outdoor because we took ages to walk few steps.

The uniform for these days was special made with the best silk all whote. Blouse and a long medium long skirt. We used a white beret on our heads too. It was boring be stand there for long hours. But it was the first time I had some sense of something unknown, that later I notice was related with my adult feelings.

The school was it seems it was in the middle of the jungle and in the night we could hear the little animals talking.

The last floor was for playing and it was big. Our piano classes were on the second floor next to the most beautiful trees and flowers.

There were snakes there too but the gardner always killed them because most had poison.

The school was so beautiful but it was a relief when I finally could start sleeping at home again.

In my vacations I used to go to my uncles home. Mom worked a lot and didnt have time to stay with me even on vacations. Sometimes she was there at the weekends or my dad. But it was always sad when they needed to go.

I can define my childhood as The Age of Silence. We couldnt talk loud, scream or un on the corridors. Only at the last floor we could play at the right time and so do what childrem use to do: play a lot of games, run, scream (not that much) and talk loud.

We had many other ativities but what I liked more was the piano classes.

Silence. Silence to study, to read, to embroidering, to wake up and washing our face, brushing our teeth and make the bed. Everything had to be perfect. Before we leave the sleeping room, the nun used to go to each bed and check if it was all in order.
So, in silence we went to the church and pray and so to the breakfast. At the touch of the little bell we could start talking a bit till be in silence again and be in line to get each one to thier classrooms. In silence.

O Segundo Sol

Quando o segundo sol chegarPara realinhar as órbitas dos planetasDerrubando com assombro exemplarO que os astrônomos diriam se tratarDe um outro cometaQuando o segundo sol chegarPara realinhar as órbitas dos planetasDerrubando com assombro exemplarO que os astrônomos diriam se tratarDe um outro cometaNão digo que não me surpreendiAntes que eu visse, você disse e eu não pude acreditarMas você pode ter certezaQue o seu telefone irá tocarEm sua nova casa que abriga agora a trilhaIncluída nessa minha conversãoEu só queria te contarQue eu fui lá fora e vi dois sóis num diaE a vida que ardia sem explicaçãoQuando o segundo sol chegarPara realinhar as órbitas dos planetasDerrubando com assombro exemplarO que os astrônomos diriam se tratarDe um outro cometaNão digo que não me surpreendiAntes que eu visse, você disse e eu não pude acreditarMas você pode ter certezaQue o seu telefone irá tocarEm sua nova casa que abriga agora a trilhaIncluída nessa minha conversãoEu só queria te contarQue eu fui lá fora e vi dois sóis num diaE a vida que ardia sem explicaçãoO seu telefone irá tocarEm sua nova casa que abriga agora a trilhaIncluída nessa minha conversãoEu só queria te contarQue eu fui lá fora e vi dois sóis num diaE a vida que ardia sem explicaçãoExplicaçãoNão tem explicaçãoExplicação, sem explicaçãoExplicação, não temNão tem explicação, explicaçãoNão tem explicação, não tem, não tem
Compositor: Nando ReisCantora: Cassia Eller

Nobodies

Sometimes we think that the hit is so hard that we think that we will not stand it. Some falls are because we trust too much in another person that we cant believe that what is happening is really happening. At the first sight the pain is so deep that we think to give up of everything. We can try and if it doesnt work, when we come back we are sure that nothing would never change. Who cares?
Theres no one, a being to whom we can go and say: "Hey, what do I do now?" All you can hear is the sound of your own voice or your own words said in your thoughts.
In the dark times is when we find some precious person that come to your life only to bring some fresh air to your soul. They dont have any other meaning. But only for the support in that moment they will never be forgotten.

One of the advantages of walk alone is, you always know what is the next step. If you dont want do know is up to you, but you can make plans with yourself and never fail. Maybe the results cannot be what you were expecting but this is another story.
The advantage of walking with another one is: you both can search for the answers together. But not everybody was born to walk in pairs.

At the beginning of everything we were only stardust and from that all the things were formed. In theory we all are brothers because our essence is the same since the beginning of the times. But why we see people against people, we will never know. At some point we started to be apart and changed our essence from all the others from our universal family. We are nobodies, or maybe the virus of a big system and we have to be destroyed.

And if the pain is too much we need to be ready to leave and survive. Dont be afraid. Time heals everything.

All bad experience give us a learning. Most of them tell us about how mean, coward and betrayer the human being can be. If we have only honest people in this world.. but it is a dream. Doesnt match with the human nature that is so imperfect.
Human being are the only one animal in nature that kills for pleasure. And there are many ways of killing someone.
Never give a second chance to anyone to put you down. Betrayal: Tolerance ZERO! Is the only way to survive in this stone jungle.

Viking

Today a bit o' sun smiled for me. I knew my friend in at the early beginning of 2008. I was in another city working like crazy. A place in the middle of nowhere and with a hot weather. Everything seemed to be easy at the beginning but for the mistake of the company who didnt make the right research we all lost money and time there. In my free time I started to take a lot of pics of the sky, with sun, when was lightining. The storms there were really strong. All that big noise it was the only thing that made me feel alive. After the storm a red sky apeared and everything was calm again. But I was bored and frustrated. So, accidentally I knew him. It was trust at the first sight.

Everytime that something wrong is happening to me he writes me a message. from wherever he is. The connection between us still exists and I guess will never end. "I have a pic in my mind from you Tania. A nice one my friend." It seems he knew that I needed a big hug as only good friends with big hearts are able to give. Thank you my friend.

We both know a lot of music, mainly him. So there is not a special one. It is hard to chose only one. But with this one I remember that it was the day he asked me: "What is happening to my little friend today?"

He will be always a special friend to me. Like those few ones that can take ages for you to find again but when we meet it is like the time has stopped and everything is exactly the the same, only with more stories to tell.

I really have few but really few friends. I can count in one of my hands. But each one are more than a billion stars. Thats why a simple "hello" is always so special.

Enjoy the silence

Still the silence and the beginning of few thoughts about how I feel myself. Im not happy or unhappy either. For some reason the end of some things gave me a kind of relief. Maybe my reality would be worst than that I live now. Im so long alone that I think I wouldn't know to share my space with a strange person. I can share with my kids because they are myself in some way.

Did I want to go? And if not, why?

I thought the storm would be horrible. But Im so quiet and I dont feel anything. It is like nothing had happened or if happened, it was a long time ago. I dont miss anything.

That's why, maybe, Im a survivor. Always ready move on, change of plans or start over again in a completelly different way.

There are still some dark clouds in the sky but for different reasons that I cant explain.


Nice that everything has an end.

Forgiveness

STROKE (AVC IN PORTUGUESE)

After doing my morning provocation - it relax me - it is time to the real world.

One of my cousins with only 43 years old, suddenly couldnt talk and his family took him to the hospital. He stayed there sleeping for 2 days and no one could find out what was happening with him, even with tests. The doctor said that he only would get out of there when they could prove that he had a stroke. Yesterday he started talking a bit but couldnt stand his head. Strokes mostly leaves a mark and then we start thinking about how was in the past.

I was searching and I could find a video that explain in a simple way what is a stroke. And it is not a beautiful thing at all. But he is a stronng and health person. Now just wait and take the medication.

And all the magic was gone. After all the battles she needed something great to trust in anything again and it was just destroyed. All she wanted was a bit of respect and she got nothing at all. How come to see beauty in something that was so corrupted by the will of a man? There was not bad feelings though. The shock were so imense that washed away even a single bit of sense.

Some people come into your life looking after your light. When they get to take it from you, they leave you. When they cant get to take your light, they follow you waiting for the next opportunity to break you down.

And some day the same hand that hold her, threw her away.
But something happened. She didnt fall.
She was not a leaf.

The leaf was slowly falling down to the ground. It seems that she would be there - on the ground to where she was slowly falling - till the rain, the air, the animals or the steps of the people could detroy her completelly.

While she was falling - and almost getting to the ground - she felt something warm. Someone took her and carried her away .


Life will never be the same.

The lamp that was turned off - but still hot - is finally getting cold. How come to keep it warm while the connections are getting lost? It is a kind of strange freedom, another gate.