No one will fulfill your dreams.
No one will love you as you need to be.
No one will be there when you most need.
But one thing you can be sure:
you will always have yourself.

Poem in a Straight Line - Fernando Pessoa

I never knew who had never been screwed up in life.

Everyone I know have been champions in everything.

And I so often paltry, often pork, often vile,
I often unanswerable parasite,
Unexcusable dirty,
I, who often have no patience even to take a bath
I, who so often have been ridiculous, absurd,
I wrapped the feet of carpet in publicly labels,
I have been grotesque, petty, arrogant and submissive,
I have suffered and insults quiet
And when I do not have been quiet, I have been even more ridiculous;
I, who have been hilarious for the servants of hotel,
I, I felt the eyes of guys blink of freight,
I, who have made financial shame, borrowed without pay,
I, that when the time's punch came, I have been crouching down
Out the possibility of the punch;
I, who have suffered the anguish of the silly little things,
I see that I dont have a pair in it all in this world.

All the people I know and talk to me
Never had a ridiculous act, never suffered insults,
They were always nothing but a prince - all princes - in life ...

I wish to hear the voice of someone
Who confess not a sin, but a scandal;
That counts, not the violence, but a cowardly!
They are all the Ideal, that I hear and speak.
Who in this wide world must confess that once was vile?
Oh princes, my brothers,

Go, I'm sick of demigod!
Where are people in this world?

So only I am who is vile and wrong in this land?

Women may not have been loved them,
May have been betrayed - but not ridiculous!
And I, I have been ridiculous and haven't been betrayed,
How can I talk to my superiors without waver?
I, that have been vile, vile literally,
Vil in the sense of dread and petty meanness.

Fernando Pessoa (under the pseudonym of Alvaro de Campos)

Merry Christmas

~ These things I warmly wish for you ~
~ someone to love and be loved ~
~a good work to do ~
~ a beautiful sun always shining over you ~
~ a lot of cheer ~
~ and a guardian angel always near ~

"A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials" Seneca, Lucius

"Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your hear."

A New Year is coming soon

At this moment (20:54) the new X-mas tree is being presented on Lagoa Rodrigo de Freitas. I can hear the fireworks from here. Every year a big one is made. I like the sound of the fireworks.

At the end of each year fireworks are seen throughout the city. At the downtown, often they throw pieces of paper through the windows that carried by the wind flood the streets (poor of who will clean it all ..). But it is party, I mean, today the party have officially began. It is time for hope in years to come.

I look through the window. Hundreds of windows - which hide the fate of each one - shine in front of my eyes. They are so close and so distant. I close one eye and I can touch each one of those windows. But I cannot touch their lives that there is within them. Just as I have a body but cannot reach my own soul.

I do not understand my own life. And if there was another life before that, I have handled many, despise them and not loved as it should. Because that is how the world was always to me.

What saved me always was my dreams. I have always believed in better days and lived always with a smile printed on the face. But all the hope, the optimism, my love for the next one, were not enough because the stones were always in the crucial moments of my life making me start over again.

Looking some photographs of my childhood, I think that child didnt even imagine all that was yet to come.

Even nowadays I catch myself dreaming. Looking at a star or at the blue sky while working. The soul wants to fly but the body does not allow - or will it be a fate? I thought my destiny was in my hands, but this really is not possible to everyone.

What I did with all those stones? My dream is vast and the stones are not yet sufficient to build my castle. I have suffered from less? Or perhaps I relied too much on my own power to change things?

A new year will start soon in the near future. And once again my dreams will be renewed . Without them I can build nothing. Without them I am nobody.

The story didnt end yet.

The Next Step

This is the version presented at the end

of the Theoretical Part of Hair Design classes today.. wonderful!

There are some words written in Portuguese in this video:

Expectativa = Expectation

Aprendizado = Learning

Confiança = Trust

Criatividade = Creativity

Determinação = Determination

Persistência = Persistence

Liderança = Leadership

Trabalho em Equipe = Teamwork

Autonomia = Autonomy

Disciplina = Discipline

Motivação = Motivation

Harmonia = Harmony

Superação = Overshoot

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Now..

the next step...

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thanks God..

i'm still alive.

It was getting cold and the firsts drops of rain started touching her face. Slowly she looked to the sky.. shadows of gray were passing so fast...the wind came to meet her thoughts - she winked in a slow motion.

Her ex-husband was so different that day. He didnt say goodbye but she felt like something was making her fade. She didnt know yet what she would plan later. She has been always a stone in someone's shoes.. then now she would be a relief. It was not self compassion.. it was just the only way to take.

She felt a relief as well. Like.. she was leaving her stones back.. getting lighter to fly.

I didnt find any answer.
I dont know nothing.
Im not the f*cking choosen! And I will never be.
Maybe this is the only answer I'll ever have....

Happy Birthday!

The only one who was waiting for her was her little son. "My God how much I love him" - she thought. His hug could take her to a better world. The only hug she received at home.

She had gone to her classes at noon and she accidentally told to just one woman that was her birthday. "Shh.. dont tell to anyone, please.." And the woman gave her a silent and warm hug.

Since early morning she started to receive wishes for her birthday from his net friends. She couldnt count all the wishes. It had a lot of them! She read each one with a big smile printed on her face (but she couldnt reply to everyone cause suddenly the server was too busy). It seemed a big virtual party!!! Like a big city full of lights and happy people...

She was happy .. in a silent way. And the feeling was so good. The day had been so colorful even being a silent one. The rain has stopped. It was not so cold anymore.

Small World

This is a small world after all....

Ghosts

A Brahms song hit her on her heart. Those ghosts were so real that the pain in her heart now was real too. She would quit them from inside.. the only way to find that joy again... completelly.

Violence!

Violence against me doesnt mean just beat me. Everytime you treat me as a whore, everytime you betray me a despite of my sincerity, everytime you leave our kids to live your adventures with another women, you hurt me. Stop to kill me a bit every single day.

Every minute feeling as if she was worse, for the first time in her life, she wants too much an anesthesia.

The Trouble with Love is....

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Love can be a many splendored thing

Can't deny the joy it brings

A dozen roses,

diamond rings

Dreams for sale

and fairy tales

*

It'll make you hear a symphony

And you just want the world to see

But like a drug that makes you blind,

It'll fool ya every time

*

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger than your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn't care how fast you fall

And you can't refuse the call

See, you got no say at all

*

Now I was once a fool, it's true

I played the game by all the rules

But now my world's a deeper blue

I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too

I swore I'd never love again

I swore my heart would never mend

Said love wasn't worth the pain

But then I hear it call my name

*

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger than your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn't care how fast you fall

And you can't refuse the call

See, you got no say at all

*

Every time I turn around

I think I've got it all figured out

My heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'

Over and over again

This sad story always ends the same

Me standin' in the pourin' rain

It seems no matter what I do

It tears my heart in two

*

(The trouble with love is) The trouble with love,

(It can tear you up inside) It can tear you up inside

(Make your heart believe a lie) Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger than your pride(The trouble with love is)

It's in your heartIt's in your soul (doesn't care how fast you fall)

You won't get no control(and you can't refuse the call)

See, you got no say at all(The trouble with love is)

Oh, yeah(It can tear you up inside)

(Make your heart believe a lie).

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I'm The One

I'm the one that hurts you

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I'm the one who cares

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I'm the one looking down at you

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I'm the one who's there

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What do you think I've become?

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What do you think I've been gone?

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I'm the one looking down on you

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Where do you go when no one's there

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When no one's there

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When no one's there

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When no one's there

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Get this widget Track details eSnips Social DNA

Desde aquele domingo ela ainda ouvia nitidamente as risadas dele dizendo ao telefone que estava com a namorada. Ela nunca pensara em um fundo musical para sua última cerimônia (queria ser cremada), mas com certeza aquele não seria o som que ela gostaria de ouvir nos seus últimos dias.

Ela havia chorado e parado, como uma reação catatônica ao fato de finalmente ver a verdade. Ele fez de tudo para que ela acreditasse nele, mas na realidade ele estava apenas se divertindo. Coisa antiga, não? Mas muito comum.

Quando ela ligara, alguém atendera ao telefone sem dizer nada e então ela pode ouvir as vozes, mulheres e a voz dele, os risos dele. Óbvio que alguém fizera aquilo para que ela ouvisse. "RI-DÍ-CU-LO! Quanta criatividade! Só podia ser coisa de mulher mesmo. "

Ela ligou novamente. Atitudes como essa jamais a intimidaram mesmo... Ela queria ouvir a verdade .. e ouviu! Da maneira mais ridícula deste mundo.. mas ouviu! Finalmente! "Pensei que você fosse especial, mas não... você é igual à qualquer outro... fácil de encontrar. Mas não se preocupe: você é nor-mal! :)))" disse ela parecendo feliz ao telefone.

E o que parecia ser o futuro homem de sua vida se transformou em um sapo que jamais se tornaria um príncipe: nem fudendo! "Ah.. ele era apenas um jogador.." Ela jamais gostara de pessoas óbvias, mas jogadores, depois do primeiro lance - como a maioria das pessoas, sempre o são.

De qualquer forma, essa foi sua última chance. O tempo se esgotara. Agora precisava se preparar para a retirada dos tumores - via retal ^^ ("Parece piada da vida...." )

*---*

From that Sunday she still was hearing clearly his laughs on the phone saying that he was with his girlfriend. She never thought about a music as a background for her last ceremony (She wanted to be cremated), but certainly "that" would not be the sound that she would like to hear in his final days.

She had stopped and mourned as a catatonic reaction to the fact that finally she sees the truth. He did everything to make her believed on him, but in reality it was only for his fun. Old thing, aint it? But very common.

When she called, someone hang up the phone without saying anything and then she could hear the voices, women and his voice and laughts. Obvious that someone did it to make her hear it. "RI-DI-CU-LOUS! What a stupid creativity! Only women could do something like this!"

She called again. Attitudes like this had never intimidating her anyway... She wanted to hear the truth .. and she did! In the most ridiculous way of this world!! But she did!! Finally!!!! "All I wanted all this time was the truth. Life is made with little boxes and yours was a mess. Now I can close it. I thought you were special, but ... you are not. You are the same as any other one.. easy to find anywhere.... But do not worry: you are nor-mal! :)))" She said it looking happy at the phone as she was kiddin.

And what seemed to be the future man of her life has turned into a frog that would never become a prince: neither fucking! Ugh! "Ah .. he was a player .." She never liked obvious people and players, after the first bid - like most of people, are always obvious.

Otherwise, this was her last chance. The time was over. Now she needed to be prepared for the withdrawal of tumors - via rectal ^ ^ ( "It seems a joke of life .... !")

*---*

Jo Guttu
April 22, 2008 at 2:19pm

hi love

I`m so happy to get this done, and I really hope that you now understand that I am serious and not a bullshitter.So happy to know you,and I am planning my summerwork and the next months coming.my plans for a pub were I live,I wont do anything more about....the husband of my sis Gry has taken full controll over the pub project, and it`s not interesting for me to work for him...I have worked for myself for more than 20 years, and I want to continue like that:)in the next few hours I will know what wekends I will hav to work, what gigs I have lined up and when I can take a trip over to you:)I sorted out in the bank today with a fixed withdrawel from my account for a thousand reals every 22 of the month:)get ur taxes paid, and maybe ur exhusband will help out with ur bills love:)It sem I will have prox 4000 reals into my account every month just for rent and to get furniture and so on .this is lined up for november allready:)it will be an extra nice income to have, and it wont be such a preassure to make a lot of money.....maybe...:)a couple of my arrangements in summer will probably pay for whatever is needed to start up whatever...You are a dream come true for me, and i really really hope u will like me when we meet....soon:)will mail u later on with the progress in workshedule and so on.Hav a nice day love and have a glass of wine for and with me as well:)big hug and kisses. Yours Jo

And she believed on him...

Pela manhã levantou-se com o amargo sabor da derrota e de nada adiantou todo o asseio naquela manhã: sua alma estava impregnada com aquelas gargalhadas... ele rira dela. "É tão estranho amar alguém que nos humlha." Ao menos pode perceber o quanto havia se enganado. O que parecia perfeito era na realidade uma farsa. Mas o mundo não é a maior delas?

Tudo um dia estará acabado, pois esta é a ordem natural das coisas, e o que sobrará de tanta filosofia, tanta soberba, tanta mediocridade, tantos valores (errados ou não)? NADA! ABSOLUTAMENTE NADA!

"Oh Meu Deus! E Você me mandou aqui prá isso?!" (se Deus existir...)

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translation

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In the morning she woke up with the bitter taste of defeat and nothing has changed throughout all the cleanliness in that morning: his soul was imbued with those laughs ... he laughed of her. "It's so strange when we love someone who depises us." At least we can understand how big had been our mistake. What seemed perfect was in fact a farce. But is the world not the biggest of them? Everything will be finished one day, it's the natural order of things, and what will rest of so much philosophy, so superb, so much mediocrity, so many values (erroneous or not)? NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

"Oh my God! And did You send me here for this?!" (if God exists...)

Walking down the street the effect of that delicious meal was fading. She looks around and God!... (if IT exists!) what the hell is this place? Even her favorite french perfume or the idea of buying some new shoes or clothes it was not sounding attractive today. "Well.. Im having serious problems..." A dormancy was not just in her body but in the way she was perceiving everything around her. The futility of things and the repetition of the events in the history and at the life of any person were something that turns life completely uninteresting.

She came back home, looked at herself in the mirror, made a grimace and went to the hairdressing to cut her hair.. just a bit.

Ela colocou cuidadosamente o pacote sobre a cadeira ao seu lado - havia entrado em uma cafeteria. Nas unhas um esmalte discreto dava-lhe um aspecto sofisticado - há muito tempo só ia à manicure para polir as unhas.
Duas turistas conversavam em mesas separadas: a negra - saudável- parecia estudar ouvindo Ipod e a outra de aspecto asiático navegava na internet em seu laptop sobre a mesa.
Outros vários turistas entraram ao mesmo tempo em que o pedido dela chega: cappuccino com cheesecake coberto com grosssa calda de amoras....hmmmmm - tentava, com isso, amenizar a dor do choro contido e a solidão de sua alma. E mais turistas entram atraídos pelo aspecto aconchegante do lugar e por ser aquela a melhor casa de cafés do bairro: poderia-se provar cafés do mundo inteiro!

E enquanto isso as papilas gustativas de nossa personagem central (agora com detecção perfeita - ela havia parado de fumar) continuavam a proporcionar o delírio de degustar algo realmente delicioso. "Hmm ... orgásmico" - pensou ela.

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translation

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She carefully placed the package on the chair beside her - she had entered into a cafeteria. In a nail enamel discreet gave her something sophisticated - for a long time she only would the manicure for polishing nails. Two tourists were talking in separate tables: the black - healthy- seemed to study listening Ipod and the other with aspect of Asian was surfing in net on your laptop on the table. Other more tourists came at the same time as her request is brought: cappuccino with cheesecake covered with blackberries cream .... hmmmmm - she was trying, with that, alleviate the pain of crying contained and the solitude of her soul.

And more tourists come attracted by the cozy aspect of the place and for being one of the best coffee house of the neighborhood: someone could prove cafes from many places around the world!

And while the taste buds of our central character (now with detection perfect - she had stopped smoking) continued to provide the delirium of taste something really delicious. "Hmm ... orgasmichal" - she thought.

and in her night flight there is only darkness... night without moon, silent, perfect for crimes being committed in the distraction of those who believe to be - this kind of night- a harbinger of tranquillity.

she flies alone. with the silence and the altitude it is easy to hear the wirring of her enormous wings ... but there is no place in this world where she wants to go ... humans are there and they are not an attraction to her eyes anymore. she just still likes to see the great metropolis illuminated at the distance, as in a film in which the mission is to exterminate the entire civilization.

useless things should not exist ...

Once again

in a Monday, January 17, 2005 i wrote this:

im burning..it hurts..at the end ill be just ashes..and ill need to reborn again...

but we need to be survivers..life is very short to care abt people that cannot accept each other how they are.. if u have a friend in case dont u accept him/her how he/she is? yes..u need to accept them..if u are really a friend.. friends dont look for u just when u are happy..they walk besides u even when u are falling down.. i hav friends..some of them were people that nobody care before..i gave them my care..my light..my friendship..and they could keep a better way to live.. if a person that u call friend doenst care abt u when u are in your bad days..he/she cant be called as friend anymore..itll be better let he/she go away.. many people ask me how can i have so different friends...simple..i love people..i love this life..ill be always besides a friend when he/she needs me.. think abt how your friends are with u..think abt how u are with your friends.. and remember..we are nothing to judge anyone..

http://madmaktub.blogspot.com/2005/01/burning.html

_______________________________________________

Its strange how we can say the same thing but wih different ending. Im not strong as I used to be. I was born many times but now I think that I have to define what is death, ashes, reborn for me. Life is totally different that I dreamt and I didnt have enough - a portuguese poet already said it in Passing Hours. Where am I going, I dont know. But if I dont like I know how to finish a possible nightmare. BTW.. I feel that Im not living my own life. There are many things too much wrong to be my life...things that I cannot change. For awhile, look at Fênix makes me feel good.

Happy Umbrella

Everything was so black and white and gray and I was desperate. Since yesterday I was completelly lost. And once more my ex-husband is coming to help me. I couldnt believe when his secretary said that he was in our country again. Exactly at the day I was more in despair. He is my guardian angel in this life. How can I explain knowing him for 22 years, after being married just for 5, he is still in my life and Im still - in some way - in his life. Thank you for let me be under your umbrella once more. Talk to you is like see the sun after a big storm. My heart is in peace now.

He couldnt talk to me all day long. He called me at night - as he said he would. My daughter hanged on the phone and he asked: "Do you know who is talking?" and she said: "Do you want to talk with my mom?" She recognized his voice and she saw him a long time ago.

He will travel again but will leave some things arranged to me. Even after all this time he still knows what moves me. It is not the first time he helps me. I look around and I dont see anyone, just my kids, the only treasure I have in my life.

My ex-husband it is not just a man, he is part of me and my life. And the most important: he showed a bit of his trust on me. Hear his laugh and his advices is a relief to my heart after all these years. How come he is the only one who knows me completelly in this whole world?

Thanks God, I asked and You gave me the answer again.

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Early Morning in Leblon & Ipanema

Last Night in Ipanema

Last night (20may) I was coming back from the dentist (again!). The last thing that he has done didnt work and suprise! .. he said that he would give me an anesthetic to make some things to prepair to another work! Coming back home I was feeling weird... like I was not breathing well. So, I saw some red sky when I looked to the beach and I decide to walk a bit there...it was a pleasant night :)

First I was looking to those stones named Two Brothers (Dois Irmãos). And just when I was walking by the beach I looked back and... the moon was almost orange! I dont like feel cold for so long and these days are a bit cold for me here. But last night the scene was like a summer night.

There are some schools of sport at the beach like footbal and beachvolley too. It is easy to play cause there is a lot of light. People running, taking a walk with their pets, biking, or simply looking around.

Some men were cleaning the beach being watched by the moon... silent, distant and misterious and yet beautiful. Colors give me a good feeling and seing that moon it was a good surprise.

So I had to go back home.. I was feeling better, breathing normaly and feeling calm. But the left side of my face were still so numb!

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Wow! Im a mess of feelings latelly. Even feeling down I feel I still have an insistent and little hope inside of me! I resist cause this hope doesnt match with my disbelief in humans or in something in this life. Have a hope is like say something and do another thing. I never ask to myself a lot of consistency but I dont know why now I need to feel too much sense in anything. Im losing energy with this small things, turning a drop of water into a big storm. I dont know how to fix it and sometimes I ask to myself if it is worth to change... maybe all I need to do is just accept. But this word "accept" makes me feel strange.

Slowly, but realy slowly indeed my life is changing. Just a bit. I still dont have control of anything, I feel tired, I cry too much, Im too emotional, I still have images of my own death and maybe the gym will help. I started it last week. First they took some pics and next month they will do the same to compare. I like to work in those gym equipments. Feel each muscle being worked and dont think about nothing. The trainers are cool and attentive. I dont need much attention cause I used to do gymnastics for so long some years back and play beachvolley (well.. now Im sure I would be a desaster but I was not that bad before). I see the care that they have with my daughter: it is her first time and she is just 12.

Im a bit sleepy now. I woke up too early and I didnt stop doing things till now. I took a coffee in a café today just trying to wake me up. I like so much that coffee-and-cake smell and the decoration as well.

I lost the way. At the beginning this blog was to gather my ideas to write a book. But a writer need to have a over view of everything and suddenly I was inside of everything. It was nice cause I wrote a lot of things about me without to tell what was happening. Now I just write about music or news. Mainly cause some of them was so shoking that I had to write about.

For example, about the earthquake in Pakistan. I was talking with someone in msn when he said. "I had to get out. The earth is starting shaking and everybody is getting out." I guess I was one of the first person in the world to know about the earthquake there. And my friend Hamad lost everything. His family had to keep moving till find a place to live.

Later I started with another blog cause I couldnt write here. Some bugs of beta version I guess. So I created Madmaktub II. But there I didnt feel like writing about me. So I wrote about news or any other thing that could sound interesting for me... till the airplane accident in Brazil and the little boy hanged outside the car. I stopped to write for sometime.

Now this about Isabela Nardoni, the little girl of just 5 years old. Her father and her stepmother are in jail now cause the Justice understood that since the time that her father turned off the car (it was registered in GPS) till the first call to the police to ask for help it has passed just 13 minutes. They think that it is not time enough to someone get into a house (locked), do all that with the child and get out locking the door again. And no other digitals were found inside the apartment or any other hint that could show that someone else was there at that day.

The newspaper is full of violence against inocent people. Like that man in Austria, and even in any part of the world. Silent inocent people who are too much young to complain.

And we live our lives and the other lives too when we read the news. Some people dont mind at all. They just think "thanks God is it not with me!". And while this everything is dieing. Since the most simple thing till the most important ones. There is not respect for anything or each other: for the other's lives or other's feelings. This life is just an illusion and if I had notice that before I would never have had kids.

Im bitter. I have a stick in my heart, I dont see any sense in this life and I dont believe in humans. Im tired to play this game.

Ayrton Senna - Magic Senna - 14 years

This Thursday, 1st day of May, the fatal accident of Ayrton Senna completes 14 years. The triple champion of the world of Formula 1 in 1988, 1989 and 1990, which was released in pole position for the San Marino GP, Imola, has lost direction of the bar of his car and went straight over 300km /h in the Tamburello curve . He fought with his Williams in the wall of protection. His death was confirmed hours later, at the Hospital Maggiore in Bologna (Italy).

Ayrton Senna started his career in kart, with 13 years old, and won the South American title in 1977, as well as vice world championship. In 1981, Senna made his debut in Formula Ford and won the title in the category once in his first season. In 1982, he went to Formula 2000 and ended the year as English and European champion, in addition to the record of 21 wins, 15 pole positions and 21 fastest laps. Prior to joining Formula 1, Senna passed by the British Formula 3 and won another title. In the main category of car, the tricampeão won 41 wins and 65 pole positions, and is considered one of the greatest pilots of the F-1 history.

In addition to the powers in the tracks, Senna was also known for generosity outside. He started work philanthropic giving rise to the Ayrton Senna Institute, which now serves about 400 thousand children and young people throughout Brazil. Viviane, his sister, plays the project since its creation. After Senna's death it was discovered that he had donated millions of dollars of his personal fortune (estimated at $400 million at the time of his death) to children's charities, a fact that during his life he had kept secret. His foundation in Brazil, Instituto Ayrton Senna, has invested nearly US$ 80 million over the last twelve years in social programs and actions in partnership with schools, government, NGOs, and the private sector aimed at offering children and teenagers from low-income backgrounds the skills and opportunities they need to develop to their full potential as persons, citizens and future professionals.

His importance to the Formula 1 is summarized in a statement from Bernie Ecclestone, big boss of the category. According to him, Senna was the greatest driver of all time, status of which neither Michael Schumacher is approaching. "Ayrton had a charisma that Schumacher was not able to transmit" said Bernie Ecclestone, Formula 1's big boss.

Check out some numbers on the winning career of Ayrton Senna:
Titles in Formula 1: 3 in 1988, 1990, 1991 (all with McLaren-Honda)
Wins: 41
Pole positions: 65
Points: 614
GPs disputed: 161
GPs finalized: 105
Premiuns: 80
Laps in leadership: 2,987
Miles in leadership: 13,676
Total laps travelled: 8,219
Total kilometers travelled: 37,934
Poles in the first row: 87
With wins pole position: 29
Wins for end to end: 19
Laps faster: 19
Maximum poles achieved in a single season: 13 (in 1988 and 1989)
Pole positions in succession: 8, in the following GPs: Spain, Australia, Brazil, San Marino, Monaco, Mexico and USA (1988) and Brazil (1989)

Notable quotations:
"Winning is like a drug, I cannot justify in any circumstances coming second or third.
"Being second is to be the first of the ones who lose."
"On a given day, a given circumstance, you think you have a limit. And you then go for this limit and you touch this limit, and you think, 'Okay, this is the limit'. And so you touch this limit, something happens and you suddenly can go a little bit further. With your mind power, your determination, your instinct, and the experience as well, you can fly very high."
"One particular thing that Formula-1 can provide you, is that you know you're always exposed to danger. Danger of getting hurt, danger of dying. This is part of your life, and you either face it in a professional, in a cool manner, or you just drop it, just leave it and don't do it anymore really. And I happen to like too much what I do to just drop it, I can't drop it."
"Racing, competing, it's in my blood. It's part of me, it's part of my life; I have been doing it all my life and it stands out before everything else."
"There are no small accidents on this circuit." - talking about the Imola circuit before the fatal 1994 race.
"It's going to be a season with lots of accidents, and I'll risk saying that we'll be lucky if something really serious doesn't happen." - pre-season 1994.
"I continuously go further and further learning about my own limitations, my body limitation, psychological limitations. It's a way of life for me."
"Of course there are moments that you wonder how long you should be doing it because there are other aspects which are not nice, of this lifestyle. But I just love winning."
"If you have a target in your life, a real target, doesn't matter if you are very poor or rich people, if you work hard and believe in God, you can get the success, success in the life."
"I know that it is impossible to win always. I just hope that defeat doesn't come this weekend."
"I don't know driving in another way which isn't risky. Each one has to improve himself. Each driver has its limit. My limit is a little bit further than other's."
"If I ever happen to have an accident that eventually costs me my life, I hope it is in one go. I would not like to be in a wheelchair. I would not like to be in a hospital suffering from whatever injury it was. If I'm going to live, I want to live fully. Very intensely, because I am an intense person. It would ruin my life if I had to live partially." (January 1994, 4 months before to his death).

Professor Sidney Watkins, a world-renowned neurosurgeon and Formula One Safety Delegate and Medical Delegate, head of the Formula One on-track medical team, who performed an on-site tracheotomy on Ayrton Senna, reported:“He looked serene. I raised his eyelids and it was clear fromhis pupils that he had a massive brain injury. We lifted him from the cockpit and laid him on the ground. As we did, he sighed and, although I am totally agnostic, I felt his soul depart at that moment."

The FW16's new rear end was introduced at Imola. It was ironic that at the beginning of 1994 Senna himself told the press that he would be surprised if there would be no large accidents that year. He referred to the fact that after the wide "white label" 26 inch Goodyear slicks were banned for 1993 (replaced by "yellow label"), now the technology at the very core of the cars, the science around which they had been based for the last few years (active suspension, traction control and ABS) was also banned for 1994. He surmised that the cars would have trouble staying on the road, which is exactly what was observed at the beginning of 1994. J. J. Lehto damaged his vertebrae at Silverstone in January and Jean Alesi broke his neck in pre-season testing, prior to Ratzenberger's and Senna's fatal accidents at Imola. During qualifying for the next race at Monaco, Karl Wendlinger suffered an accident which left him comatose for months; Ratzenberger's replacement, Andrea Montermini, broke his feet in the Simtek in Barcelona, and Pedro Lamy broke both knee-caps in testing at Silverstone in May.

There are other factors – Senna did not like the position of the steering column relative to his seating position and had repeatedly asked for it to be changed. At Imola Senna found himself in a car with his team's engineers struggling to cope and adapt to the ban of active suspension. Patrick Head and Adrian Newey agreed to Senna's request to lengthen the FW16's steering column, but there was no time to manufacture a longer steering shaft. The existing shaft was instead cut, extended by inserting a smaller diameter piece of tubing and welded together with reinforcing plates. Many surmise, based on comparing hours of onboard video footage from Brazil and Imola that the movement of the steering wheel during the race at Imola was completely abnormal. Senna on his final lap is seen turning the wheel left to full lock with no movement of the front wheels. Others have raised suspicion at what can clearly be seen on the onboard footage as Senna looking down onto his steering wheel seconds before entering Tamburello. The irony of the on board video available from Senna's car is that the final seconds of footage are missing. The approximately 1.5 seconds of remaining video which would have provided a definite answer as to the cause of Senna's death were lost in an act of astounding coincidence when the TV race director decided to switch camera signals at the very instant the Williams started to leave the track.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, numerous rumours abound that the remaining 1.5 seconds are not lost and reportedly show Senna's steering wheel clearly coming off in his hands as his car is leaving the track. In addition to this, the video shown in the Court Room on May 14, 1997 stopped 0.9 seconds before the impact [2], causing numerous questions. Although allegations exist that this video has been seen by a number of people at the top level of motorsport, there is no evidence to support its existence.
The Williams team was entangled for many years in a court case with the Italian prosecutors over manslaughter charges, but they were found not guilty and no action was taken against Williams. In 2004, the case was re-opened, but closed again in 2005 when there was no new evidence.At the conclusion of the Italian trial, Senna's FW16, chassis number 02, was returned to the Williams team. The team reported that the car was destroyed.His death was considered by many of his Brazilian fans to be a national tragedy, and the Brazilian government declared three days of national mourning. More than 1 million persons followed Senna's burial in São Paulo. Senna is buried at the Cemitério do Morumbi in his hometown of São Paulo.

I have no idols, I have no passions I have no heroes.
The only one were Ayrton Senna da Silva,
The Magic Senna.
From that 1st May
I have never watched F1 again.
And I never will.
*
RIP

*
Name: Ayrton Senna da Silva
Nationality: Brazilian
Date of birth: March 21, 1960 - Sao Paulo, Brazil
Date of death: May 1, 1994 - Imola, Italy
*
Monumental genius, frightening commitment,

and a willingness to go right to the very edge

forged Ayrton Senna da Silva into one of the greatest drivers,

and his record for 65 pole positions was still unchallenged

more than six years after his death

in the San Marino Grand Prix at Imola on May 1 1994.

texts: wikipedia and globo online