Monday, April 07, 2008

Noturno

O aço dos meus olhos
E o fel das minhas palavras
Acalmaram meu silêncio
Mas deixaram suas marcas...
Se hoje sou deserto
É que eu não sabia
Que as flores com o tempo
Perdem a força
E a ventania
Vem mais forte...
Hoje só acredito
No pulsar das minhas veias
E aquela luz que havia
Em cada ponto de partida
Há muito me deixou
Há muito me deixou...
Ai, Coração alado
Desfolharei meus olhos
Nesse escuro véu
Não acredito mais
No fogo ingênuo, da paixão
São tantas ilusões
Perdidas na lembrança...
Nessa estrada
Só quem pode me seguir
Sou eu.
Sou eu.
Sou eu.
.
.
.
The steel of my eyes
And the gall of my words
Calmed down my silence
But left their marks ...
If today I am desert
It is because I didn't know
That the flowers with time
Lost strength
And the torment
Comes stronger ...
Today I only believe
In the pulse of my veins
And that light that there was
At each point of departure
There is much left me
There is much left me ...
Oh, winged heart
I will deflower my eyes
In this dark veil
I do not believe anymore
In the ingenuous fire of the passion
They are so many illusions
Lost in the memory ...
On that road
Only who can follow me
That's me.
That's me.
That's me.











Friday, March 28, 2008

Chão de Giz

Eu desço dessa solidão, espalho coisas sobre um chão de giz

Há meros devaneios tolos a me torturar

Fotografias recortadas em jornais de folhas amiúde

Eu vou te jogar num pano de guardar confetes

Eu vou te jogar num pano de guardar confetes

Disparo balas de canhão, é inútil pois existe um grão-vizir

Há tantas violetas velhas sem um colibri

Queria usar quem sabe, uma camisa de força ou de vênus

Mas não vão gozar de nós apenas um cigarro

Nem vou lhe beijar gastando assim o meu batom

Agora pego um caminhão, na lona vou a nocaute outra vez

Pra sempre fui acorrentado no seu calcanhar

Meus vinte anos de "boy", "that's over, baby" , Freud explica

Não vou me sujar fumando apenas um cigarro

Nem vou lhe beijar gastando assim o meu batom

Quanto ao pano dos confetes já passou meu carnaval

E isso explica porque o sexo é assunto popular

No mais estou indo embora ...

No mais estou indo embora ...

No mais...






my translation:

I get down from that loneliness and spread things on a floor of chalk
There are mere fool daydreams to torture me
Photos cut in leaves newspapers often
I will keep you in a cloth to keep confetti
I will keep you in a cloth to keep confetti
.
I shot cannon bullets, it is useless because there is a grand-vizir
There are so many old violets without a hummingbird
I would like using - who knows -, a shirt of force or venus
But, they will not tease us only a cigarette
Neither I will kiss you spending so my lipstick.
.
Now I catch a truck and I'm knocked-down again
I was bound in your heel forever
My twenty years of "boy", "that's over, baby," ... does Freud explain
I will not dirty myself for smoking just one cigarette
Neither will I kiss you spending so my lipstick
So, about the cloth of confetti my carnival has passed
And that explains why sex is a popular subject
I'm leaving...
I'm leaving...
I'm...



Sunday, March 23, 2008

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”
(Friedrich Nietzsche - 1844-1900)









And all you most wanted appears
And it's what you most feared too
,
,
,

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Ghost of Horus

Since I lost my password in Youtube I lost also many favorites. One of them was Ghost of Horus. Weird and fantastic I took 2 days to find it again cause I didnt remember the name. And in these days Im at home so I try to keep me busy.. even with a dream.

"Immortal (Ad Vitam) is the epic movie by the most talented comic & graphic novel author Enki Bilal. The film is based on the first and second part of his "Nikopol trilogy" ("La Foire aux immortels" and "La Femme piège").


The film was directed by Bilal, he also wrote scenario and all dialogues.


As a music background I (badgreendragon - user in Youtube) used the song "Reincarnation" from "Ghost in the Shell", Egyptian Gods are: Horus, Anubis and Bastet. but the video was deleted.
Main human characters are: Jill Bioskop and Alcide Nikopol."


note: you can find the song also through the name - on Youtube -
"Resurrection III-Reincarnation"
"Resurrection I-Making of Cyborg"
"Resurrection II-Ghost City"
played with few differences.
The lyrics are in ancient japanese.



.
   

Reincarnation By Ghost In The Shell
(Ancient Japanese)


.

a Ga Maeba, Kuwashime Yoini Keri

a Ga Maeba, Teru Tsuki Toyomu Nari

yobai Ni Kami Amakudarite,

yoha Ake, Nuedori Naku.

tookamiemitame

tookamiemitame

tookamiemitame
.

.

.


(Translation)

.
when You Are Dancing, A Beautiful Lady Become drunken.
when You Are Dancing, A Shining Moon Rings.
a God Descends For A Wedding,
And Dawn Approaches while The Night Bird Sings.
god Bless You
god Bless You
god Bless You








Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Just an Illusion

..and when you think you have found an answer, it was not an answer..it was just an illusion...




Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Depression


Many things can trigger debilitating depression. Feelings of depression are caused by a chemical change that affects how the brain functions.
A normally functioning brain is a giant messaging system that controls everything from your heartbeat, to walking, to your emotions. The brain is made up of billions of nerve cells called neurons. These neurons send and receive messages from the rest of your body, using brain chemicals called neurotransmitters.


These brain chemicals—in varying amounts—are responsible for our emotional state. Depression happens when these chemical messages aren’t delivered correctly between brain cells, disrupting communication.


Think of a telephone: if your phone has a weak signal, you may not hear the person on the other end. Their communication is muted or unclear.


The good news is that there are many forms of treatment that can help you cope with depression, including medications that can strengthen weak signals by raising the levels of certain neurotransmitters, or by improving the neurons’ ability to process signals. This ensures that the brain’s vital messages are delivered—loud and clear.


If you notice that your son, daughter, your brother, sister, parents, a friend, are acting different, being isolated of all people, with sad eyes looking to nowhere, talk to them, show them your love and take them to a doctor.

You can save a life.

see an animation about how it works: http://www.depression.com/depression_animation.html?content=understanding&

note: article published by http://www.depression.com/










Sunday, March 09, 2008

Gold Passion

It is not easy to look for what you dont even know what it is. Or maybe you do. Wanna change? It is like an old disease..for so long in your body that now you cant take it off. The only way to survive is changing. Why is this so diffcult to get at this time?


Like if you're walking down to your car one day
As your imagination wanders off
And you see yourself just standing there
While people are showing you all kinds of strange directions
And that's when it comes to you
"I'll walk my way thorugh suburbia"
Through the streets of ten thousand kelvins
Empty trash cans and five foot fences
Soul - Like I have one
Control - As if I had some
10:15 PM and I'm crossing the main road
In hope of finding the last person that makes sense to me
I realize that I've been had and walk faster as my frustration grows
Nothing will ever change around here
People pay good money to avoid any change in colour
Everything is black and white
To hell with these shades of gray
Soul - like I had one
Control - as if I had some


Saturday, March 08, 2008

The Gate

Oh my.. another gate?! I thought I would go to the stars now! I don't want to be here anymore. Take me away!
The secret is not in the stars my dear. First you need to dive within yourself.
But what is there inside of me? I already know and I don't want to go!!
There you will find the universe.
I don't have such beautiful things inside of me.. mainly a whole universe!
Dive. I will be waiting for you there.
Nooo!!! You won't! Nobody waits for anybody!!!
I didn't tell you that it would be easy. You have to go.
Will I die?
Sure you will. To re-birth you need to die first.










Sunday, March 02, 2008

The Invisible Battle


"You see, God and the Devil are just alike.
They are both
walking up and down the earth -- they are both seeking you.
God wants you to glorify Him, and, of course,
the Devil wants you to glorify him.
They are both looking at you,
and if God doesn't get you,
THE DEVIL WILLLL..."
.

(Ozzy - 6/9/2005)
.
.






Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Rho Ophiuchi

"Rho Oph is a complex made up of a large main cloud
of molecular hydrogen,
a key molecule allowing new stars to form from cold cosmic gas,
with two long streamers trailing off in different directions.
Recent studies using the latest X-ray and infrared observations
reveal more than 300 young stellar objects
within the large central cloud.
Their median age is only 300,000 years,
very young compared to some of the universe's oldest stars,
which are more than 12 billion years old. "




note: read more clicking on the tittle of this post















Monday, February 04, 2008

It's Carnival In Brazil!!!

The most incredible party of this planet!!!!
You should come and check it by yourself!!!



I couldnt write before but Carnival started on Saturday, February 2th! I talked about Carnival some time back and I'm gonna paste the link cause there's a whole history about Brazilian Carnival there.


http://www.madmaktub.com/2005/01/thats-carnaval.html



But THIS is the spirit. Brazilians say that the year just begins to after Carnival, mainly in Rio de Janeiro and Bahia!!! lool


But Carnival is not just some days off. Carnival is time for business too. A School of Samba prepares its parade the whole year and this is an incredible work who brings a lot of tourists for our country!


You dont need to be a beauty

but need to have just ONE and important thing:


JOY!!!


Joy to be there


Joy to be yourself


Joy to be other self just for some days


Joy to wash your sorrows and pain away


Joy to be alive...


even for some days!













The Divas of Brazilian Carnival 2008!!!



Always a bit polemic the Schools of Samba brings sometimes
some of our problems like we dont have freedom to express ourselves (at the fist pic), corruption, world problems etc..

But the top of this party is always the work of a zillions people behind the scenes, the bright, the light , the people and sure, all those beauties. How I hate them! lool!!! They are incredible beautiful and happy! God bless you girls!

And God Bless Brazilians! We are survivers! And the smile we keep on our faces represents our way to live! Cheers!!!

And the party is still ON!!!


note: photos from O Globo Online (the biggest Brazilian newspaper)- all rights reserved.

and the percussinists are always training.... Mocidade Alegre

and training all over the year.. now Portela!






Friday, January 04, 2008

New Year

The year started as any other day. In a distant land she looked to the sky. There was nothing different. Looking around she couldnt find anything to make her feel something. But she was not sad. She was grateful to God to come to her heart again. It was not too bad walking alone cause she was not alone anyway.

She remembered that one day she was in the dark - in the darkness of her soul. She was taking shower and her tears and the water was the same thing. "Please help me" - she asks. At the same day someone came and started to talk abt good and evil. And the person described someone who wanted to jump from a high place to the darkness. She recognized herself in those words and she knew that was God talking to her through that person. Suddenly she felt that the pain in her back was gone. She could breath as before. Finally she started to believe again.








Sunday, December 23, 2007

Where are you now? Once you told me that you would never leave me. Or maybe it was just my thoughts. Im knocking at your door but you dont respond. Save me please. Open the gate again for me. I can see the lights but I cant feel them. Im stuck at your door.
Let me get in.







Somewhere....

Walking alone in a small and desert city and buying some beers. Everything around was in silence. I could hear the noise of my steps. If it was in my own city I wouldnt be on the street - mainly alone. I dont like to drink alone but I need to relax today.

Inside a feeling of beeing out of reality. Everybody is gone. Just two of us are here at the same hotel. Tomorrow will be only me.

I miss my family, my kids. But I cant come back. Not now. After all those changes that are still on I dont know what I am. They wouldnt be proud of me now.

When we are weak nobody loves you, nobody wants you, nobody needs you. When you are weak you are easier to let others use you. I've learned with time that just the ones who are with you in those difficult times will be the ones who will be with you forever (a despite of knowing that nothing is forever anyway). Till now I didnt find anyone like that. Not in my real life... well.. maybe my ex-husband. He does what he can. I guess he has his own life now..a family.. I dont know. He never talk abt this with me.

But what I am talking about is a real friend. That one who feels what you are feeling without you say any word. Anyways, I use to isolate myself when Im not fine.

Is common when we feel like that we start thinking abt past and all those possibilities that never happened.. or never will. Im just trying to keep me sane. But I cant avoid to think that I have some of old ghosts of my childhood now. They say that life is repetitive..thats it. The true is: Im feeling lost. I cant get even to look into others eyes. Im afraid that they find out that Im lost. What is this now? Is it not enough all these years? Since 2005 I cant control my life. Or maybe just now Im minding it.

Im starting to feel sleepy now. But Im not calm down. I need to go to somewhere.. I just dont know where exactly. Im alone. I dont see anything interesting in people anymore even feeling sometimes that they are humans like me. All my life just to check that life is only this.

...and without saying a word he left. For him it was nothing. For her.. well, it will be too.







Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Ex.............

Most of people I know have problems with ex-bf/gf/husbands/wives.. well.. I'm lucky then. I've already married 4 times and my second ex-husband is the most special person I've never ever known. I dont remember when our relation started to break up but I remember that everytime I needed he was there even giving me advices that I would prefer didnt hear sometimes.

We used to work a lot.. day n night. When he was at home I was ready to get out and vice-versa. Once I thought that the love was gone... so I decided to go away. I couldnt live with someone without love. If I'd have waited a bit more all those doubts would fade away.

He is honest and his word is more than a zillion dollars.. in a world like that where will I find someone like him? I can't say anything now...at least not for him. Now he has an important travel agency and I am nothing. I remember when we started together..working hard. I was so happy even at the end of a hard day cause we had each other. He is the best partner someone can have... but is done. Nothing will change the past now.

Once in a while I find someone who I think is so good..in fact, a so rare thing to happen. But soon I notice that I am wrong. People use people..it will never change. The best I can do is just think about my work. Working hard again.. I know something good will happen.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Barbecue

beautiful n calm day... is there anything better than do what you really want? anyways.. you need to be ready to pay the price. nothing is gonna change the human nature.







Saturday, December 15, 2007

My best friend

After losing everything just you is still by my side even so far. Keeping the dream that someday there wont be any differences between us is something that makes me feel alive. And when everything is going wrong I can close my eyes and dream again. We dont belong to this place and we know that. But someday we will be together forever.



sometimes u can't change anything.







Friday, December 14, 2007

~

She doesnt have much time now. Running against the time she doesnt have even time to think but all thoughts are passing through her mind with her whole life in a wink.. some flashes that she cant avoid... she is back to a certain part of life where most of times she was lost..she doesnt care.. a despite of feeling that she needs to find something......... like a music she flows.. everything is so useless... or so useful that she cant get the point...faling..flying..up and down.... losing her sense.. she needs just a reason to start again.
what the hell?!






Saturday, December 01, 2007

Far From Home...- and from myself -

Reading what I wrote here today and looking to my blog..oh god..how much I miss me. I dont now who I am anymore. Body and soul are two different things. Maybe Im afraid to feel something and notice how much Im alone.

Help me God.

Far From Home.. - an offline message to Shashi -

Goodbye: i thought u have forgotten me.. i was just opening gmail and you dont send me messages from ages
GoodBye: im far from home with different people..really different among themselves
GoodBye: people that i would never talk in a normal situation
GoodBye: i like to talk but living together is completelly different
GoodBye: how much i miss u and our talks
GoodBye: when i could hear the monkeys and dream that i was just a kid
GoodBye: i will never grow up..i will ever hide this kid inside of me
GoodBye: but all this is a learning
GoodBye: a dificult learning to a proud person as me
GoodBye: im learning that i like to be right all the time, that im too proud
GoodBye: and that i needed to see that a long time ago..i didnt notice how bad i am and how much i need to learn
GoodBye: im so tired of myself
GoodBye: i will never forget you



Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Lost for Words



I was spending my time in the doldrums

I was caught in a cauldron of hate

I felt persecuted and paralysed

I thought that everything else would just wait

.

While you are wasting your time on your enemies

Engulfed in a fever of spite

Beyond your tunnel vision reality fades

Like shadows into the night

.

To martyr yourself to caution

Is not going to help at all

because there'll be no safety in numbers

When the right one walks out of the door

.

Can you see your days blighted by darkness?

Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?

Stuck in a world of isolation

While the ivy grows over the door

.

So I open my door to my enemies

And I ask could we wipe the slate clean

But they tell me to please go fuck myself

You know you just can't win.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Time Machine



Porcelain

" How much I miss you.....but when I miss you a lot I go back and read our past chats and smile and react and think...and all those days just come up alive....cant believe they are dead now...cant believe that even right now what i am writing it would be dead after some time...and l look at your pics..try to recall what i was thinking at that instant....spend hours on that...."
.
.
.
"She has surprised me more than anyone in my life, the more I know her the more enchanted I grow by her. She is the closest to a fairy you might come across....the best person I have ever met in my life."
- Tue Feb 06, 2007 -
.
.
.
You too my cute Shashi.
All the time it was always there
And I didnt even notice.
Just now I see
You were always part of me.
Love forever,
Porcupine.


L & L

goobye

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Too late

What would you do if you found out that
what you were looking for
was always there..
just in front of you?
What if you found it out too late?


Monday, September 24, 2007

Birthday's present


My birthday is coming soon and I've received
an offline message in yahoo today
from a friend who lives so far.
His initials are VM and I can't say who he is here
cause what I'm going to post is too personal.
All I can say is: he is doing IIT
and he looks like a nerd! With glasses too! lol
He is funny and so clever
and crazy too! :)
Once we started acting like
in a play without notice it.
With a ping-pong of words
we had one of the funniest chats in my life! :))
I knew him in net about 2 years ago
and since then he became a dear friend.
He is always in a good mood
always cheering me up.
We have 2 main differences:
age and distance.
But it was not enough to make us apart
from each other.
I hope to find you
in a place to we all we go
one day.
Dont forget to look for me there dear,
cause I'll be there first.
.
.
.
errmm..btw..where is Michael?! :P
----------

Hi Tania
so time for me to explain my IM
be patient :P
Are you dead, or breath still holds you
Are you sick, or the smiles still moulds you

[This just asks you whether you are happy with your life now, or still the same sad gloomy days :) ]
Cherishing the words you 'mercied upon me I think of you , it's not very long ago
[Pretty clear I guess, I liked what you had ADVISED me, and I always remember the talks I had with you]
Life unfolds itself, the games are different
Different for you and me and me and you

[This is just a comment on the uncertainty of life, the truth that we actually controls nothing. The second line 'you & me' and 'me and you' stresses the difference in which we two see the life as and the life for you and me in general]
We must play it, in the way of our own
Difference shall remain in the space of playing zone
[This says that anyhow we have to LIVE, and though we have our own problems, joyous moments, we both have a common thing, that is LIVING]
Still your time feel good, your thoughts dig deep
Out of the real, this heart cries for your more
[ This shows how I sometime miss you, your words and the next line reflects how bad I feel for the mismatch in our lives(age,place). I wish I could be with you in your time space ( or vice versa). I wish I could know you better, give you more.But that's unreal :)]
Funny is the world, funny is the bond
Of a man and a woman, whom the love forgets

[This shows my disappointment over the kind of relationship man & woman have now. The love, my love is devoid of human body, it's in spirits, as individuals, not just sentimental and I am scared I may not find such a life partner]
It exists no more, stil remains the sole truth
[This last line reflects the need of a COMMON IDEA of life, purpose, material things, spiritual things, in short everything between two humans ( esp man & women, romantically involved) .Even if such an understanding is not there, there must be INCLINATION to move in such direction. And I feel changing trends ( lifestyle, instant gratification, thoughtless position of humans creates the problems throughout their life..... bla bla bla]
Sorry..from next time I will be .. clear and not poetic ( damn I don't know I almost invariably talk people online through mails or msgs in verses :D ) ... I never think twice what I am writing.. just it looks like a poem :P
.
.
.
Thank you my dear friend.
Who is true never leave a friend,
always have a word to say
or a support to give even to a strange one.
Well..you have a LOT of words to say! lol
Kidding.. keep it on :)
I'll never forget you. :)

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Crazy

In a church,by the face,
He talks about the people going under.
Only child know...
A man decides after seventy years,
That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door.
While those around him criticize and sleep...
And through a fractal on a breaking wall,
I see you my friend, and touch your face again.
Miracles will happen as we trip.
But we're never gonna survive, unless...
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive, unless...
We are a little... Cray...cray...cray...
...Crazy yellow people walking through my head.

One of them's got a gun, to shoot the other one.
And yet together they were friends at school
Ohh, get it, get it, get it, get it no no!
If all were there when we first took the pill,
Then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe...
Miracles will happen as we speak.
But we're never gonna survive unless...
We get a little crazy.
No we're never gonna survive unless...
We are a little...
Crazy...

No no, never survive, unless we get a little...
bit...

Amanda decides to go along after seventeen years...
Oh darlin...

In a sky full of people, only some want to fly,
Isn't that crazy?
In a world full of people, only some want to fly,
Isn't that crazy?
Crazy...
In a heaven of people there's only some want to fly,
Ain't that crazy?
In a world full of people there's only some want to fly,
Isn't that crazy?
Isn't that crazy...

But we're never gonna survive unless,
we get a little crazy..
crazy..
No we're never gonna to survive unless we are a little...
crazy..

But we're never gonna survive unless,
we get a little crazy..
crazy..
No we're never gonna to survive unless,
we are a little..
crazy..
No no, never survive unless,
we get a little bit...

And then you see things
The size
Of which you've never known before
They'll break it
Someday...
Only child know....
Them things
The size
Of which you've never known before
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...




Sunday, September 16, 2007

Carmina Burana O Fortuna - Carl Orff



O Fortuna, velut luna, statu variabilis..........

Semper crescis aut decrescis;

vita detestabilis

Nunc obdurat et tunc curat ludo mentis aciem

Egestatem, potestatem dissolvit ut glaciem.

.

Sors immanis et inanis, rota tu volubilis,

Status malus, vana salus semper dissolubilis

Obumbrata, et velata michi quoque niteris;

Nunc per ludum dorsum nudum fero tui sceleris.

.

Sors salutis et virtutis michi nunc contraria,

Est affectus et defectus semper in angaria.

Hac in hora sine mora corde pulsum tangite;

Quod per sortem sternit fortem, mecum omnes plangite!

____

O Fortune, like the moon, you are changeable

Ever waxing and waning;

detestable life

First oppresses and then soothes as fancy takes it;

Poverty and power dissolves like ice.

.

Fate inhuman and inane, whirl you inconstant wheel,

You are malevolent; vain salvation always dissoluble,

Darkened and veiled you curse me too;

Now through the game I bring my bare back to your villainy.

.

Fate is against me in health and virtue,

Driven on and weighted down, always enslaved.

So at this hour without delay pluck the pulsating strings;

Since Fate strikes down the strong man, everyone weep with me!

.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Weekend



In my place, in my place

Were lines that I couldn't change

I was lost


I was lost, I was lost

Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed

I was lost


Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Yeah, how long must you pay for him?

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?


I was scared, I was scared

Tired and underprepared

But I wait for you


If you go, if you go

Leaving me here on my own

Well I wait for you


Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Yeah, how long must you pay for him?

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?


Please, please, please

Come on and sing to me

To me, me

Come on and sing it out, out, out

Come on and sing it now, now, now

Come on and sing it


In my place, in my place

Were lines that I couldn't change

I was lost
.

.

.

and I'm still







Friday, September 14, 2007

Goccia - Drop


Specchio di pioggia e asfalto
ci naviga dentro il cielo
grigio bianco
acqua e cielo

ma tu sei una goccia che non cade
e ritarda la mia guarigione
come ultima frase da terminare

Piccole navi col motore spento
aspettano un segno dal faro
così lontano

specchio di pioggia e asfalto
oggi il mio viso è più leggero
senza pianto
solo acqua e cielo

ma tu sei una goccia che non cade
e rimanda la mia guarigione
come un rumore sospeso che
non esplode

ancora navi col motore spento
aspettano un segno dal faro
così lontano
.
.
.
Mirror of rain and pave

sails us within the sky

grey white

water and sky

.

but you are a drop that does not fall

and delays my recovery

like a last sentence to finish

.

Small ships with engine extinguished

wait for a mark from the light

so far away

.

mirror of rain and pave

today my face is lighter

without cry

only water and sky

.

but you are a drop that does not fall

and returns my recovery

like a noise suspended

that does not explode

.

still ships with engine extinguished

wait for a mark from the light

so far away

Thursday, September 13, 2007

If...


And talking about dreams, faith...

I remember when I was so strong even being lonely.

Once, when I got out of my work, I look to the stars and I thought:

"Incredible! Zillions of stars and no one touch us.

Billions of people and no one for me.

How I'd wish to find my twin soul...."

I guess that in that day angels was around me

and they said "Amen"

cause when I got home I received a message.

With a big smile on my face I answered it..

and has started a wonderful time.

.

We never know what we are looking for..

till we find.

.

.
This is the first song he sent for me.

He used to like mostly rock..

so receiving this song were twice special for me.

And everytime I hear this music I feel like coming back to past..

I can close my eyes and feel everything again.

But as everything..it finished.



Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Home

Today I was feeling wierd..something like a fever and some pain. I guess Im getting a flu. So I decided to come back home and rest. In the middle of the way I decided walking a bit. So, I started looking to the windows of all those little malls we have in Ipanema. So a fat man came and started talking to me and I was not like talking to anyone. So, he said some weird things for me. I didnt notice that he was mad and a lady was taking care of him. As I didnt care he said: "You are ugly!" And I replyed: "So..are you handsome???" And he said (a bit confuse and caring his "tummy"): "Im a bit..." It was funny..but I was not into laugh at all.
Well they say that we are atracted by people who are similar to us..am I getting mad too?? I took a look to see where was the man and he was continuing to talk with all people on the street and saying things like that. And I kept looking to the windows automatically. I was not atracted by anything.
Later I noticed a couple discussing. The man left the woman alone and started walking to the other side..but he stopped when he noticed that she was stuck on the same place...like about to cry. I could see love..a hurt love between them. I was about to say to her..never mind..nothing will change the human nature..so..what is all for? But I couldnt do it..who knows what was really happening?
Lost in my thoughts I realized that I dont care about most of things in this life anymore. And going back home was meaning just come to rest and be in silence for sometime. Am I a special cause that? How many people in this world have a place to - at least - sleep comfortable?
But the problem is not the bed..is me. I feel that I dont belong to anywhere.
When I arrived at home I opened my mails and I received a message of a beautiful soul who sent me this song. I couldnt post the video cause the code was desabled by request. But is a beautiful one that reminds me when I had some faith or dreams... and when come back home had a special meaning to me.
Now back home maybe is be back to the beggining..from the place we came since the first human..and who knows where is it........?




I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.
The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, it makes true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.
So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.
Be careful what you wish for,
Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.
Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

.

.

.


but..


where "home" is?

.

.

.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

BRAVO PAVAROTTI! R.I.P





Miserere, miserere
Miserere, misero me
Pero brindo alla vita!

Ma che mistero, e la mia vita
Che mistero
Sono un peccatore dell'anno ottantamila
Un menzognero!
Ma dove sono e cosa faccio
Come vivo?

Vivo nell'anima del mondo
Perso nel vivere profondo!
Miserere, misero me
Pero brindo alla vita!

Io sono il santo che ti ha tradito
Quando eri solo
E vivo altrove e osservo il mondo
Dal cielo
E vedo il mare e le foreste
Vedo me che....

Vivo nell'anima del mondo
Perso nel vivere profondo!

Miserere, misero me
Pero brindo alla vita!

Se c'e una notte buia abbastanza
Da nascondermi, nascondermi

Se c'e una luce, una speranza
Sole magnifico che splendi dentro di me
Dammi la gioia di vivere che ancora non c'e

Miserere, miserere
Quella gioia di vivere(che forse)
Ancora non c'e...






Misery, misery,
Misery, miserable me
But I drink a toast to life!



What a mistery is my life, what a mistery
I'm a sinner since 80000 years ago
An untrue one!

But where am I, what do I do
How do I live?

I live in the soul of the world
Lost in a deep living!

Misery, miserable me
But I toast to the life!

I am the saint who'd betrayed you
When you were alone
I live elsewhere and I observe the world
From the sky
I see the sea and the forests
I see myself there ...

I live in the soul of the world
Lost in a deep living!

Misery, miserable me
But I drink a toast to life!


If there's a night dark enough
Hide me, hide me

If there's a light, a hope
Magnificent sun that shines inside of me
Give me the delight of living that I haven't yet


Misery, misery
That delight of living (perhaps)
That I haven't yet...

.

.

.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Walking Alone


Pic by lancesh on Flickr
.
.
.
My birthday is coming and since august 27, 2005
Im living the worsts years of my life.
From that date I started lose my dreams
- and I had many -
Day by day my dreams started fading
and I couldnt do anything.
I cant blame anyone for this
cause we are responsable to everything
that happens with us..in a way or another.
Is insane thinking
that everything is alright
when it is not.
Smiling and talking
with a lot of people everyday
Saying that Im fine
I cant lie to myself.
While this Im walking..I cant stop walking.
I just dont know to where Im going.
When I was a little girl I always knew
that God will never leave me but now...
Now Im sure that He is busier
doing other things than think
about what is happening with me
cause there's a lot of people living a life
worse than mine
right?
.
.
.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

The Chosen


For so long I dont feel God close to me..
The sun doesnt rise to everyone.
God has always his chosen and Im not one of them.
I guess it is like a big family..
dad and mom always love some more than others.
I mean..
a closer empaty..
and how I was always different
I dont have any simpaty at all.
Someday
if I meet God
I will ask Him why.






Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Do you still believe?

Do you still believe in magic ?
Do you still believe in your dreams ?
Do you still believe that better days will come ?
I have a secret place inside of me
Where there is always a hope
A despite of everything
Where I can dream
Even for sometime
I almost lost everything
And I thought I was weaker
But I have a strange kind of fource now
And I don't see the most of my dreams in it
They became weaker
And more distant
It is like being in this world
And watch this world from outside
I can see everything
Even myself
My mistakes
I miss myself how I was before
But now my expectations are not too strong
My dreams are not so colorful
As before.
There's a lack
And I can't name it
I'm kind of dead
Kind of alive
Living between two worlds
Finally I leave life carry me on
And I don't know where I am going
It's nothing between me and people
It is between me
And something so much stronger than all of this
I wish I could feel God
A bit closer
As before
Do you still believe ?
I'd wish to...

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