Lost for Words

I was spending my time in the doldrums

I was caught in a cauldron of hate

I felt persecuted and paralysed

I thought that everything else would just wait

.

While you are wasting your time on your enemies

Engulfed in a fever of spite

Beyond your tunnel vision reality fades

Like shadows into the night

.

To martyr yourself to caution

Is not going to help at all

because there'll be no safety in numbers

When the right one walks out of the door

.

Can you see your days blighted by darkness?

Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?

Stuck in a world of isolation

While the ivy grows over the door

.

So I open my door to my enemies

And I ask could we wipe the slate clean

But they tell me to please go fuck myself

You know you just can't win.

Time Machine

Porcelain

" How much I miss you.....but when I miss you a lot I go back and read our past chats and smile and react and think...and all those days just come up alive....cant believe they are dead now...cant believe that even right now what i am writing it would be dead after some time...and l look at your pics..try to recall what i was thinking at that instant....spend hours on that...."

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"She has surprised me more than anyone in my life, the more I know her the more enchanted I grow by her. She is the closest to a fairy you might come across....the best person I have ever met in my life."
- Tue Feb 06, 2007 -

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You too my cute Shashi.
All the time it was always there
And I didnt even notice.
Just now I see
You were always part of me.

Love forever,
Porcupine.

L & L

goobye

Too late

What would you do if you found out that

what you were looking for

was always there..

just in front of you?

What if you found it out too late?

Birthday's present

My birthday is coming soon and I've received

an offline message in yahoo today

from a friend who lives so far.

His initials are VM and I can't say who he is here

cause what I'm going to post is too personal.

All I can say is: he is doing IIT

and he looks like a nerd! With glasses too! lol

He is funny and so clever

and crazy too! :)

Once we started acting like

in a play without notice it.

With a ping-pong of words

we had one of the funniest chats in my life! :))

I knew him in net about 2 years ago

and since then he became a dear friend.

He is always in a good mood

always cheering me up.

We have 2 main differences:

age and distance.

But it was not enough to make us apart

from each other.

I hope to find you

in a place to we all we go

one day.

Dont forget to look for me there dear,

cause I'll be there first.

.

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errmm..btw..where is Michael?! :P

----------

Hi Tania
so time for me to explain my IM
be patient :P
Are you dead, or breath still holds you
Are you sick, or the smiles still moulds you
[This just asks you whether you are happy with your life now, or still the same sad gloomy days :) ]
Cherishing the words you 'mercied upon me I think of you , it's not very long ago

[Pretty clear I guess, I liked what you had ADVISED me, and I always remember the talks I had with you]
Life unfolds itself, the games are different
Different for you and me and me and you
[This is just a comment on the uncertainty of life, the truth that we actually controls nothing. The second line 'you & me' and 'me and you' stresses the difference in which we two see the life as and the life for you and me in general]
We must play it, in the way of our own
Difference shall remain in the space of playing zone
[This says that anyhow we have to LIVE, and though we have our own problems, joyous moments, we both have a common thing, that is LIVING]
Still your time feel good, your thoughts dig deep
Out of the real, this heart cries for your more
[ This shows how I sometime miss you, your words and the next line reflects how bad I feel for the mismatch in our lives(age,place). I wish I could be with you in your time space ( or vice versa). I wish I could know you better, give you more.But that's unreal :)]
Funny is the world, funny is the bond
Of a man and a woman, whom the love forgets
[This shows my disappointment over the kind of relationship man & woman have now. The love, my love is devoid of human body, it's in spirits, as individuals, not just sentimental and I am scared I may not find such a life partner]
It exists no more, stil remains the sole truth
[This last line reflects the need of a COMMON IDEA of life, purpose, material things, spiritual things, in short everything between two humans ( esp man & women, romantically involved) .Even if such an understanding is not there, there must be INCLINATION to move in such direction. And I feel changing trends ( lifestyle, instant gratification, thoughtless position of humans creates the problems throughout their life..... bla bla bla]
Sorry..from next time I will be .. clear and not poetic ( damn I don't know I almost invariably talk people online through mails or msgs in verses :D ) ... I never think twice what I am writing.. just it looks like a poem :P

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Thank you my dear friend.

Who is true never leave a friend,

always have a word to say

or a support to give even to a strange one.

Well..you have a LOT of words to say! lol
Kidding.. keep it on :)

I'll never forget you. :)

Crazy

In a church,by the face,
He talks about the people going under.
Only child know...
A man decides after seventy years,
That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door.
While those around him criticize and sleep...
And through a fractal on a breaking wall,
I see you my friend, and touch your face again.
Miracles will happen as we trip.
But we're never gonna survive, unless...
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive, unless...
We are a little... Cray...cray...cray...
...Crazy yellow people walking through my head.

One of them's got a gun, to shoot the other one.
And yet together they were friends at school
Ohh, get it, get it, get it, get it no no!
If all were there when we first took the pill,
Then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe...
Miracles will happen as we speak.
But we're never gonna survive unless...
We get a little crazy.
No we're never gonna survive unless...
We are a little...
Crazy...

No no, never survive, unless we get a little...
bit...

Amanda decides to go along after seventeen years...
Oh darlin...

In a sky full of people, only some want to fly,
Isn't that crazy?
In a world full of people, only some want to fly,
Isn't that crazy?
Crazy...
In a heaven of people there's only some want to fly,
Ain't that crazy?
In a world full of people there's only some want to fly,
Isn't that crazy?
Isn't that crazy...

But we're never gonna survive unless,
we get a little crazy..
crazy..
No we're never gonna to survive unless we are a little...
crazy..

But we're never gonna survive unless,
we get a little crazy..
crazy..
No we're never gonna to survive unless,
we are a little..
crazy..
No no, never survive unless,
we get a little bit...

And then you see things
The size
Of which you've never known before
They'll break it
Someday...
Only child know....
Them things
The size
Of which you've never known before
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...

Carmina Burana O Fortuna - Carl Orff

O Fortuna, velut luna, statu variabilis..........

Semper crescis aut decrescis;

vita detestabilis

Nunc obdurat et tunc curat ludo mentis aciem

Egestatem, potestatem dissolvit ut glaciem.

.

Sors immanis et inanis, rota tu volubilis,

Status malus, vana salus semper dissolubilis

Obumbrata, et velata michi quoque niteris;

Nunc per ludum dorsum nudum fero tui sceleris.

.

Sors salutis et virtutis michi nunc contraria,

Est affectus et defectus semper in angaria.

Hac in hora sine mora corde pulsum tangite;

Quod per sortem sternit fortem, mecum omnes plangite!

____

O Fortune, like the moon, you are changeable

Ever waxing and waning;

detestable life

First oppresses and then soothes as fancy takes it;

Poverty and power dissolves like ice.

.

Fate inhuman and inane, whirl you inconstant wheel,

You are malevolent; vain salvation always dissoluble,

Darkened and veiled you curse me too;

Now through the game I bring my bare back to your villainy.

.

Fate is against me in health and virtue,

Driven on and weighted down, always enslaved.

So at this hour without delay pluck the pulsating strings;

Since Fate strikes down the strong man, everyone weep with me!

.

Weekend

In my place, in my place

Were lines that I couldn't change

I was lost

I was lost, I was lost

Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed

I was lost

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Yeah, how long must you pay for him?

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

I was scared, I was scared

Tired and underprepared

But I wait for you

If you go, if you go

Leaving me here on my own

Well I wait for you

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Yeah, how long must you pay for him?

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Please, please, please

Come on and sing to me

To me, me

Come on and sing it out, out, out

Come on and sing it now, now, now

Come on and sing it

In my place, in my place

Were lines that I couldn't change

I was lost
.

.

.

and I'm still

Goccia - Drop

Specchio di pioggia e asfalto
ci naviga dentro il cielo
grigio bianco
acqua e cielo

ma tu sei una goccia che non cade
e ritarda la mia guarigione
come ultima frase da terminare

Piccole navi col motore spento
aspettano un segno dal faro
così lontano

specchio di pioggia e asfalto
oggi il mio viso è più leggero
senza pianto
solo acqua e cielo

ma tu sei una goccia che non cade
e rimanda la mia guarigione
come un rumore sospeso che
non esplode

ancora navi col motore spento
aspettano un segno dal faro
così lontano
.
.
.
Mirror of rain and pave

sails us within the sky

grey white

water and sky

.

but you are a drop that does not fall

and delays my recovery

like a last sentence to finish

.

Small ships with engine extinguished

wait for a mark from the light

so far away

.

mirror of rain and pave

today my face is lighter

without cry

only water and sky

.

but you are a drop that does not fall

and returns my recovery

like a noise suspended

that does not explode

.

still ships with engine extinguished

wait for a mark from the light

so far away

If...

And talking about dreams, faith...

I remember when I was so strong even being lonely.

Once, when I got out of my work, I look to the stars and I thought:

"Incredible! Zillions of stars and no one touch us.

Billions of people and no one for me.

How I'd wish to find my twin soul...."

I guess that in that day angels was around me

and they said "Amen"

cause when I got home I received a message.

With a big smile on my face I answered it..

and has started a wonderful time.

.

We never know what we are looking for..

till we find.

.

.
This is the first song he sent for me.

He used to like mostly rock..

so receiving this song were twice special for me.

And everytime I hear this music I feel like coming back to past..

I can close my eyes and feel everything again.

But as everything..it finished.

Home

Today I was feeling wierd..something like a fever and some pain. I guess Im getting a flu. So I decided to come back home and rest. In the middle of the way I decided walking a bit. So, I started looking to the windows of all those little malls we have in Ipanema. So a fat man came and started talking to me and I was not like talking to anyone. So, he said some weird things for me. I didnt notice that he was mad and a lady was taking care of him. As I didnt care he said: "You are ugly!" And I replyed: "So..are you handsome???" And he said (a bit confuse and caring his "tummy"): "Im a bit..." It was funny..but I was not into laugh at all.

Well they say that we are atracted by people who are similar to us..am I getting mad too?? I took a look to see where was the man and he was continuing to talk with all people on the street and saying things like that. And I kept looking to the windows automatically. I was not atracted by anything.

Later I noticed a couple discussing. The man left the woman alone and started walking to the other side..but he stopped when he noticed that she was stuck on the same place...like about to cry. I could see love..a hurt love between them. I was about to say to her..never mind..nothing will change the human nature..so..what is all for? But I couldnt do it..who knows what was really happening?

Lost in my thoughts I realized that I dont care about most of things in this life anymore. And going back home was meaning just come to rest and be in silence for sometime. Am I a special cause that? How many people in this world have a place to - at least - sleep comfortable?

But the problem is not the bed..is me. I feel that I dont belong to anywhere.

When I arrived at home I opened my mails and I received a message of a beautiful soul who sent me this song. I couldnt post the video cause the code was desabled by request. But is a beautiful one that reminds me when I had some faith or dreams... and when come back home had a special meaning to me.

Now back home maybe is be back to the beggining..from the place we came since the first human..and who knows where is it........?

I'm staring out into the night,

Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,

The closer I get to you.

I've not always been the best man or friend for you.

But your love, it makes true.

And I don't know why.

You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

I'm going home.

Be careful what you wish for,

Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all,

And then some you don't want.

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old.

I said these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

.

.

.

but..

where "home" is?

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BRAVO PAVAROTTI! R.I.P

Miserere, miserere
Miserere, misero me
Pero brindo alla vita!

Ma che mistero, e la mia vita
Che mistero
Sono un peccatore dell'anno ottantamila
Un menzognero!
Ma dove sono e cosa faccio
Come vivo?

Vivo nell'anima del mondo
Perso nel vivere profondo!
Miserere, misero me
Pero brindo alla vita!

Io sono il santo che ti ha tradito
Quando eri solo
E vivo altrove e osservo il mondo
Dal cielo
E vedo il mare e le foreste
Vedo me che....

Vivo nell'anima del mondo
Perso nel vivere profondo!

Miserere, misero me
Pero brindo alla vita!

Se c'e una notte buia abbastanza
Da nascondermi, nascondermi

Se c'e una luce, una speranza
Sole magnifico che splendi dentro di me
Dammi la gioia di vivere che ancora non c'e

Miserere, miserere
Quella gioia di vivere(che forse)
Ancora non c'e...

Misery, misery,
Misery, miserable me
But I drink a toast to life!



What a mistery is my life, what a mistery
I'm a sinner since 80000 years ago
An untrue one!

But where am I, what do I do
How do I live?

I live in the soul of the world
Lost in a deep living!

Misery, miserable me
But I toast to the life!

I am the saint who'd betrayed you
When you were alone
I live elsewhere and I observe the world
From the sky
I see the sea and the forests
I see myself there ...

I live in the soul of the world
Lost in a deep living!

Misery, miserable me
But I drink a toast to life!

If there's a night dark enough
Hide me, hide me

If there's a light, a hope
Magnificent sun that shines inside of me
Give me the delight of living that I haven't yet


Misery, misery
That delight of living (perhaps)
That I haven't yet...

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Walking Alone

Pic by lancesh on Flickr

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My birthday is coming and since august 27, 2005

Im living the worsts years of my life.

From that date I started lose my dreams

- and I had many -

Day by day my dreams started fading

and I couldnt do anything.

I cant blame anyone for this

cause we are responsable to everything

that happens with us..in a way or another.

Is insane thinking

that everything is alright

when it is not.

Smiling and talking

with a lot of people everyday

Saying that Im fine

I cant lie to myself.

While this Im walking..I cant stop walking.

I just dont know to where Im going.

When I was a little girl I always knew

that God will never leave me but now...

Now Im sure that He is busier

doing other things than think

about what is happening with me

cause there's a lot of people living a life

worse than mine

right?

.

.

.

The Chosen

For so long I dont feel God close to me..

The sun doesnt rise to everyone.
God has always his chosen and Im not one of them.
I guess it is like a big family..

dad and mom always love some more than others.

I mean..
a closer empaty..

and how I was always different

I dont have any simpaty at all.
Someday

if I meet God

I will ask Him why.

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Do you still believe?

Do you still believe in magic ?

Do you still believe in your dreams ?

Do you still believe that better days will come ?

I have a secret place inside of me

Where there is always a hope

A despite of everything

Where I can dream

Even for sometime

I almost lost everything

And I thought I was weaker

But I have a strange kind of fource now

And I don't see the most of my dreams in it

They became weaker

And more distant

It is like being in this world

And watch this world from outside

I can see everything

Even myself

My mistakes

I miss myself how I was before

But now my expectations are not too strong

My dreams are not so colorful

As before.

There's a lack

And I can't name it

I'm kind of dead

Kind of alive

Living between two worlds

Finally I leave life carry me on

And I don't know where I am going

It's nothing between me and people

It is between me

And something so much stronger than all of this

I wish I could feel God

A bit closer

As before

Do you still believe ?

I'd wish to...

The Paradoxical Commandments (Anyway), The Final Analysis

The Final Analysis

(Mother Teresa's version)

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

(As pessoas são freqüentemente irrascíveis, ilógicas, e auto-centradas;

Perdoe-nas assim mesmo.)

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

(Se você é bom, as pessoas podem acusá-lo de egoísta, com ulteriores motivos;

Seja bom assim mesmo.)

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

(Se você for bem-sucedido, você ganhará alguns falsos amigos

e alguns verdadeiros inimigos;

Faça sucesso assim mesmo.)

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

(Se você é honesto as pessoas podem perturbar você;

Seja honesto e franco assim mesmo.)

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

(O que você passou anos construindo, alguém pode destruir em uma noite;

Construa assim mesmo.)

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

(Se você encontra serenidade e felicidade, as pessoas podem ter inveja;

Seja feliz assim mesmo.)

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

(O bem que você faz hoje, as pessoas freqüentemente esquecem amanhã;

Faça o bem assim mesmo.)

Give the world the best you have,and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

(Dê ao mundo o melhor que você tem e isso pode nunca ser o bastante;

Dê ao mundo o seu melhor assim mesmo.)

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway...

Veja bem que, no final das contas, é entre você e Deus;

Nunca foi entre você e as pessoas...

(Mother Teresa 1910 - 1997)

The Paradoxical Commandments (Anyway) is both a poem and a book by Kent M. Keith. He wrote the poem as an undergraduate, and it has spread around the world often in slightly altered form. Two decades after writing the original poem, Dr. Keith wrote a book of the same title expanding on the themes of the poem: Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments: Finding Personal Meaning in a Crazy World (Hodder & Stoughton, 2002)
According to Webster's Dictionary, a paradox is "a seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true." [1]
And a commandment is "an authoritative direction or instruction to do something." [2]
Therefore, with those definitions in mind, a Paradoxical Commandment is an authoritave direction or instruction to do something that seems contradictory, but may nonetheless be true.
The Paradoxical Commandments provide inspiration to those who are facing the trials of life and who may be struggling to hang onto their principles in the face of change. It is a set of maxims that help keep the reader focused on the goal and willing to endure what may be perceived as failure by some for the greater good of moving forward in a creative life lived with love,integrity, passion and compassion as the central motivational drivers.

Still Learning

Once more I trusted in someone..cause I was feeling that the person was needing some help. Well..we think about others and when is our time they give a damn to what will hapen with us.

But I did my part. If I lose at this time I swear it will be the last advise from the life to me.



Life is not fair at all. Im tired and Im working a lot these days. Trying to make money and someone comes and take it from us with a normal story and it catch us.



Well..never mind. It is always time to learn again.

And this dream is getting more and more distant from me..poor civilization. People just want to get ride on you.

Am I still a believer? lol This civilization doesnt need my trust!

Brazilian government have spent a lot of money

to the Pan American Games...

while our children are sleeping on the streets

our policemen are being dead..

is all about money.

Nothing is gonna change

the human nature.

Blog errors

Finally I had the answer to the error in my blog. I couldnt post here..but now I have fixed and..well.. I thought I would never come back and post here anymore.

I needed to fix my post template and now is done! Thanks Blogger developers for sending me the answer!

Cheers ;-)

God's Gonna Cut You Down

You can run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Go tell that long tongue liar

Go and tell that midnight rider

Tell the rambler,

The gambler,

The back biter

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

Well my goodness gracious let me tell you the news

My head's been wet with the midnight dew

I've been down on bended knee talkin' to the man from Galilee

He spoke to me in the voice so sweet

I thought I heard the shuffle of the angel's feet

He called my name and my heart stood still

When he said, "John go do My will!"

Go tell that long tongue liar

Go and tell that midnight rider

Tell the rambler,

The gambler,

The back biter

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

You can run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand

Workin' in the dark against your fellow man

But as sure as God made black and white

What's done in the dark will be brought to the light

You can run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Go tell that long tongue liar

Go and tell that midnight rider

Tell the rambler,

The gambler,

The back biter

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down

.

.

.

I'm waiting..just dont let me feel much hurt please

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.

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