Where are you now? Once you told me that you would never leave me. Or maybe it was just my thoughts. Im knocking at your door but you dont respond. Save me please. Open the gate again for me. I can see the lights but I cant feel them. Im stuck at your door.

Let me get in.

Somewhere....

Walking alone in a small and desert city and buying some beers. Everything around was in silence. I could hear the noise of my steps. If it was in my own city I wouldnt be on the street - mainly alone. I dont like to drink alone but I need to relax today.

Inside a feeling of beeing out of reality. Everybody is gone. Just two of us are here at the same hotel. Tomorrow will be only me.

I miss my family, my kids. But I cant come back. Not now. After all those changes that are still on I dont know what I am. They wouldnt be proud of me now.

When we are weak nobody loves you, nobody wants you, nobody needs you. When you are weak you are easier to let others use you. I've learned with time that just the ones who are with you in those difficult times will be the ones who will be with you forever (a despite of knowing that nothing is forever anyway). Till now I didnt find anyone like that. Not in my real life... well.. maybe my ex-husband. He does what he can. I guess he has his own life now..a family.. I dont know. He never talk abt this with me.

But what I am talking about is a real friend. That one who feels what you are feeling without you say any word. Anyways, I use to isolate myself when Im not fine.

Is common when we feel like that we start thinking abt past and all those possibilities that never happened.. or never will. Im just trying to keep me sane. But I cant avoid to think that I have some of old ghosts of my childhood now. They say that life is repetitive..thats it. The true is: Im feeling lost. I cant get even to look into others eyes. Im afraid that they find out that Im lost. What is this now? Is it not enough all these years? Since 2005 I cant control my life. Or maybe just now Im minding it.

Im starting to feel sleepy now. But Im not calm down. I need to go to somewhere.. I just dont know where exactly. Im alone. I dont see anything interesting in people anymore even feeling sometimes that they are humans like me. All my life just to check that life is only this.

...and without saying a word he left. For him it was nothing. For her.. well, it will be too.

Merry X-mas! :)

Ex.............

Most of people I know have problems with ex-bf/gf/husbands/wives.. well.. I'm lucky then. I've already married 4 times and my second ex-husband is the most special person I've never ever known. I dont remember when our relation started to break up but I remember that everytime I needed he was there even giving me advices that I would prefer didnt hear sometimes.

We used to work a lot.. day n night. When he was at home I was ready to get out and vice-versa. Once I thought that the love was gone... so I decided to go away. I couldnt live with someone without love. If I'd have waited a bit more all those doubts would fade away.

He is honest and his word is more than a zillion dollars.. in a world like that where will I find someone like him? I can't say anything now...at least not for him. Now he has an important travel agency and I am nothing. I remember when we started together..working hard. I was so happy even at the end of a hard day cause we had each other. He is the best partner someone can have... but is done. Nothing will change the past now.

Once in a while I find someone who I think is so good..in fact, a so rare thing to happen. But soon I notice that I am wrong. People use people..it will never change. The best I can do is just think about my work. Working hard again.. I know something good will happen.

Barbecue

beautiful n calm day... is there anything better than do what you really want? anyways.. you need to be ready to pay the price. nothing is gonna change the human nature.

My best friend

After losing everything just you is still by my side even so far. Keeping the dream that someday there wont be any differences between us is something that makes me feel alive. And when everything is going wrong I can close my eyes and dream again. We dont belong to this place and we know that. But someday we will be together forever.

sometimes u can't change anything.

~

She doesnt have much time now. Running against the time she doesnt have even time to think but all thoughts are passing through her mind with her whole life in a wink.. some flashes that she cant avoid... she is back to a certain part of life where most of times she was lost..she doesnt care.. a despite of feeling that she needs to find something......... like a music she flows.. everything is so useless... or so useful that she cant get the point...faling..flying..up and down.... losing her sense.. she needs just a reason to start again.

what the hell?!

Far From Home...- and from myself -

Reading what I wrote here today and looking to my blog..oh god..how much I miss me. I dont now who I am anymore. Body and soul are two different things. Maybe Im afraid to feel something and notice how much Im alone.

Help me God.

Far From Home.. - an offline message to Shashi -

Goodbye: i thought u have forgotten me.. i was just opening gmail and you dont send me messages from ages
GoodBye: im far from home with different people..really different among themselves
GoodBye: people that i would never talk in a normal situation
GoodBye: i like to talk but living together is completelly different
GoodBye: how much i miss u and our talks
GoodBye: when i could hear the monkeys and dream that i was just a kid
GoodBye: i will never grow up..i will ever hide this kid inside of me
GoodBye: but all this is a learning
GoodBye: a dificult learning to a proud person as me
GoodBye: im learning that i like to be right all the time, that im too proud
GoodBye: and that i needed to see that a long time ago..i didnt notice how bad i am and how much i need to learn
GoodBye: im so tired of myself
GoodBye: i will never forget you

Lost for Words

I was spending my time in the doldrums

I was caught in a cauldron of hate

I felt persecuted and paralysed

I thought that everything else would just wait

.

While you are wasting your time on your enemies

Engulfed in a fever of spite

Beyond your tunnel vision reality fades

Like shadows into the night

.

To martyr yourself to caution

Is not going to help at all

because there'll be no safety in numbers

When the right one walks out of the door

.

Can you see your days blighted by darkness?

Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?

Stuck in a world of isolation

While the ivy grows over the door

.

So I open my door to my enemies

And I ask could we wipe the slate clean

But they tell me to please go fuck myself

You know you just can't win.

Time Machine

Porcelain

" How much I miss you.....but when I miss you a lot I go back and read our past chats and smile and react and think...and all those days just come up alive....cant believe they are dead now...cant believe that even right now what i am writing it would be dead after some time...and l look at your pics..try to recall what i was thinking at that instant....spend hours on that...."

.

.

.

"She has surprised me more than anyone in my life, the more I know her the more enchanted I grow by her. She is the closest to a fairy you might come across....the best person I have ever met in my life."
- Tue Feb 06, 2007 -

.

.

.
You too my cute Shashi.
All the time it was always there
And I didnt even notice.
Just now I see
You were always part of me.

Love forever,
Porcupine.

L & L

goobye

Too late

What would you do if you found out that

what you were looking for

was always there..

just in front of you?

What if you found it out too late?

Birthday's present

My birthday is coming soon and I've received

an offline message in yahoo today

from a friend who lives so far.

His initials are VM and I can't say who he is here

cause what I'm going to post is too personal.

All I can say is: he is doing IIT

and he looks like a nerd! With glasses too! lol

He is funny and so clever

and crazy too! :)

Once we started acting like

in a play without notice it.

With a ping-pong of words

we had one of the funniest chats in my life! :))

I knew him in net about 2 years ago

and since then he became a dear friend.

He is always in a good mood

always cheering me up.

We have 2 main differences:

age and distance.

But it was not enough to make us apart

from each other.

I hope to find you

in a place to we all we go

one day.

Dont forget to look for me there dear,

cause I'll be there first.

.

.

.

errmm..btw..where is Michael?! :P

----------

Hi Tania
so time for me to explain my IM
be patient :P
Are you dead, or breath still holds you
Are you sick, or the smiles still moulds you
[This just asks you whether you are happy with your life now, or still the same sad gloomy days :) ]
Cherishing the words you 'mercied upon me I think of you , it's not very long ago

[Pretty clear I guess, I liked what you had ADVISED me, and I always remember the talks I had with you]
Life unfolds itself, the games are different
Different for you and me and me and you
[This is just a comment on the uncertainty of life, the truth that we actually controls nothing. The second line 'you & me' and 'me and you' stresses the difference in which we two see the life as and the life for you and me in general]
We must play it, in the way of our own
Difference shall remain in the space of playing zone
[This says that anyhow we have to LIVE, and though we have our own problems, joyous moments, we both have a common thing, that is LIVING]
Still your time feel good, your thoughts dig deep
Out of the real, this heart cries for your more
[ This shows how I sometime miss you, your words and the next line reflects how bad I feel for the mismatch in our lives(age,place). I wish I could be with you in your time space ( or vice versa). I wish I could know you better, give you more.But that's unreal :)]
Funny is the world, funny is the bond
Of a man and a woman, whom the love forgets
[This shows my disappointment over the kind of relationship man & woman have now. The love, my love is devoid of human body, it's in spirits, as individuals, not just sentimental and I am scared I may not find such a life partner]
It exists no more, stil remains the sole truth
[This last line reflects the need of a COMMON IDEA of life, purpose, material things, spiritual things, in short everything between two humans ( esp man & women, romantically involved) .Even if such an understanding is not there, there must be INCLINATION to move in such direction. And I feel changing trends ( lifestyle, instant gratification, thoughtless position of humans creates the problems throughout their life..... bla bla bla]
Sorry..from next time I will be .. clear and not poetic ( damn I don't know I almost invariably talk people online through mails or msgs in verses :D ) ... I never think twice what I am writing.. just it looks like a poem :P

.

.

.

Thank you my dear friend.

Who is true never leave a friend,

always have a word to say

or a support to give even to a strange one.

Well..you have a LOT of words to say! lol
Kidding.. keep it on :)

I'll never forget you. :)

Crazy

In a church,by the face,
He talks about the people going under.
Only child know...
A man decides after seventy years,
That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door.
While those around him criticize and sleep...
And through a fractal on a breaking wall,
I see you my friend, and touch your face again.
Miracles will happen as we trip.
But we're never gonna survive, unless...
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive, unless...
We are a little... Cray...cray...cray...
...Crazy yellow people walking through my head.

One of them's got a gun, to shoot the other one.
And yet together they were friends at school
Ohh, get it, get it, get it, get it no no!
If all were there when we first took the pill,
Then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe...
Miracles will happen as we speak.
But we're never gonna survive unless...
We get a little crazy.
No we're never gonna survive unless...
We are a little...
Crazy...

No no, never survive, unless we get a little...
bit...

Amanda decides to go along after seventeen years...
Oh darlin...

In a sky full of people, only some want to fly,
Isn't that crazy?
In a world full of people, only some want to fly,
Isn't that crazy?
Crazy...
In a heaven of people there's only some want to fly,
Ain't that crazy?
In a world full of people there's only some want to fly,
Isn't that crazy?
Isn't that crazy...

But we're never gonna survive unless,
we get a little crazy..
crazy..
No we're never gonna to survive unless we are a little...
crazy..

But we're never gonna survive unless,
we get a little crazy..
crazy..
No we're never gonna to survive unless,
we are a little..
crazy..
No no, never survive unless,
we get a little bit...

And then you see things
The size
Of which you've never known before
They'll break it
Someday...
Only child know....
Them things
The size
Of which you've never known before
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...

Carmina Burana O Fortuna - Carl Orff

O Fortuna, velut luna, statu variabilis..........

Semper crescis aut decrescis;

vita detestabilis

Nunc obdurat et tunc curat ludo mentis aciem

Egestatem, potestatem dissolvit ut glaciem.

.

Sors immanis et inanis, rota tu volubilis,

Status malus, vana salus semper dissolubilis

Obumbrata, et velata michi quoque niteris;

Nunc per ludum dorsum nudum fero tui sceleris.

.

Sors salutis et virtutis michi nunc contraria,

Est affectus et defectus semper in angaria.

Hac in hora sine mora corde pulsum tangite;

Quod per sortem sternit fortem, mecum omnes plangite!

____

O Fortune, like the moon, you are changeable

Ever waxing and waning;

detestable life

First oppresses and then soothes as fancy takes it;

Poverty and power dissolves like ice.

.

Fate inhuman and inane, whirl you inconstant wheel,

You are malevolent; vain salvation always dissoluble,

Darkened and veiled you curse me too;

Now through the game I bring my bare back to your villainy.

.

Fate is against me in health and virtue,

Driven on and weighted down, always enslaved.

So at this hour without delay pluck the pulsating strings;

Since Fate strikes down the strong man, everyone weep with me!

.

Weekend

In my place, in my place

Were lines that I couldn't change

I was lost

I was lost, I was lost

Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed

I was lost

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Yeah, how long must you pay for him?

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

I was scared, I was scared

Tired and underprepared

But I wait for you

If you go, if you go

Leaving me here on my own

Well I wait for you

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Yeah, how long must you pay for him?

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Please, please, please

Come on and sing to me

To me, me

Come on and sing it out, out, out

Come on and sing it now, now, now

Come on and sing it

In my place, in my place

Were lines that I couldn't change

I was lost
.

.

.

and I'm still

Goccia - Drop

Specchio di pioggia e asfalto
ci naviga dentro il cielo
grigio bianco
acqua e cielo

ma tu sei una goccia che non cade
e ritarda la mia guarigione
come ultima frase da terminare

Piccole navi col motore spento
aspettano un segno dal faro
così lontano

specchio di pioggia e asfalto
oggi il mio viso è più leggero
senza pianto
solo acqua e cielo

ma tu sei una goccia che non cade
e rimanda la mia guarigione
come un rumore sospeso che
non esplode

ancora navi col motore spento
aspettano un segno dal faro
così lontano
.
.
.
Mirror of rain and pave

sails us within the sky

grey white

water and sky

.

but you are a drop that does not fall

and delays my recovery

like a last sentence to finish

.

Small ships with engine extinguished

wait for a mark from the light

so far away

.

mirror of rain and pave

today my face is lighter

without cry

only water and sky

.

but you are a drop that does not fall

and returns my recovery

like a noise suspended

that does not explode

.

still ships with engine extinguished

wait for a mark from the light

so far away

If...

And talking about dreams, faith...

I remember when I was so strong even being lonely.

Once, when I got out of my work, I look to the stars and I thought:

"Incredible! Zillions of stars and no one touch us.

Billions of people and no one for me.

How I'd wish to find my twin soul...."

I guess that in that day angels was around me

and they said "Amen"

cause when I got home I received a message.

With a big smile on my face I answered it..

and has started a wonderful time.

.

We never know what we are looking for..

till we find.

.

.
This is the first song he sent for me.

He used to like mostly rock..

so receiving this song were twice special for me.

And everytime I hear this music I feel like coming back to past..

I can close my eyes and feel everything again.

But as everything..it finished.

Home

Today I was feeling wierd..something like a fever and some pain. I guess Im getting a flu. So I decided to come back home and rest. In the middle of the way I decided walking a bit. So, I started looking to the windows of all those little malls we have in Ipanema. So a fat man came and started talking to me and I was not like talking to anyone. So, he said some weird things for me. I didnt notice that he was mad and a lady was taking care of him. As I didnt care he said: "You are ugly!" And I replyed: "So..are you handsome???" And he said (a bit confuse and caring his "tummy"): "Im a bit..." It was funny..but I was not into laugh at all.

Well they say that we are atracted by people who are similar to us..am I getting mad too?? I took a look to see where was the man and he was continuing to talk with all people on the street and saying things like that. And I kept looking to the windows automatically. I was not atracted by anything.

Later I noticed a couple discussing. The man left the woman alone and started walking to the other side..but he stopped when he noticed that she was stuck on the same place...like about to cry. I could see love..a hurt love between them. I was about to say to her..never mind..nothing will change the human nature..so..what is all for? But I couldnt do it..who knows what was really happening?

Lost in my thoughts I realized that I dont care about most of things in this life anymore. And going back home was meaning just come to rest and be in silence for sometime. Am I a special cause that? How many people in this world have a place to - at least - sleep comfortable?

But the problem is not the bed..is me. I feel that I dont belong to anywhere.

When I arrived at home I opened my mails and I received a message of a beautiful soul who sent me this song. I couldnt post the video cause the code was desabled by request. But is a beautiful one that reminds me when I had some faith or dreams... and when come back home had a special meaning to me.

Now back home maybe is be back to the beggining..from the place we came since the first human..and who knows where is it........?

I'm staring out into the night,

Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,

The closer I get to you.

I've not always been the best man or friend for you.

But your love, it makes true.

And I don't know why.

You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

I'm going home.

Be careful what you wish for,

Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all,

And then some you don't want.

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old.

I said these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

.

.

.

but..

where "home" is?

.

.

.

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BRAVO PAVAROTTI! R.I.P

Miserere, miserere
Miserere, misero me
Pero brindo alla vita!

Ma che mistero, e la mia vita
Che mistero
Sono un peccatore dell'anno ottantamila
Un menzognero!
Ma dove sono e cosa faccio
Come vivo?

Vivo nell'anima del mondo
Perso nel vivere profondo!
Miserere, misero me
Pero brindo alla vita!

Io sono il santo che ti ha tradito
Quando eri solo
E vivo altrove e osservo il mondo
Dal cielo
E vedo il mare e le foreste
Vedo me che....

Vivo nell'anima del mondo
Perso nel vivere profondo!

Miserere, misero me
Pero brindo alla vita!

Se c'e una notte buia abbastanza
Da nascondermi, nascondermi

Se c'e una luce, una speranza
Sole magnifico che splendi dentro di me
Dammi la gioia di vivere che ancora non c'e

Miserere, miserere
Quella gioia di vivere(che forse)
Ancora non c'e...

Misery, misery,
Misery, miserable me
But I drink a toast to life!



What a mistery is my life, what a mistery
I'm a sinner since 80000 years ago
An untrue one!

But where am I, what do I do
How do I live?

I live in the soul of the world
Lost in a deep living!

Misery, miserable me
But I toast to the life!

I am the saint who'd betrayed you
When you were alone
I live elsewhere and I observe the world
From the sky
I see the sea and the forests
I see myself there ...

I live in the soul of the world
Lost in a deep living!

Misery, miserable me
But I drink a toast to life!

If there's a night dark enough
Hide me, hide me

If there's a light, a hope
Magnificent sun that shines inside of me
Give me the delight of living that I haven't yet


Misery, misery
That delight of living (perhaps)
That I haven't yet...

.

.

.

Walking Alone

Pic by lancesh on Flickr

.

.

.

My birthday is coming and since august 27, 2005

Im living the worsts years of my life.

From that date I started lose my dreams

- and I had many -

Day by day my dreams started fading

and I couldnt do anything.

I cant blame anyone for this

cause we are responsable to everything

that happens with us..in a way or another.

Is insane thinking

that everything is alright

when it is not.

Smiling and talking

with a lot of people everyday

Saying that Im fine

I cant lie to myself.

While this Im walking..I cant stop walking.

I just dont know to where Im going.

When I was a little girl I always knew

that God will never leave me but now...

Now Im sure that He is busier

doing other things than think

about what is happening with me

cause there's a lot of people living a life

worse than mine

right?

.

.

.

The Chosen

For so long I dont feel God close to me..

The sun doesnt rise to everyone.
God has always his chosen and Im not one of them.
I guess it is like a big family..

dad and mom always love some more than others.

I mean..
a closer empaty..

and how I was always different

I dont have any simpaty at all.
Someday

if I meet God

I will ask Him why.

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Do you still believe?

Do you still believe in magic ?

Do you still believe in your dreams ?

Do you still believe that better days will come ?

I have a secret place inside of me

Where there is always a hope

A despite of everything

Where I can dream

Even for sometime

I almost lost everything

And I thought I was weaker

But I have a strange kind of fource now

And I don't see the most of my dreams in it

They became weaker

And more distant

It is like being in this world

And watch this world from outside

I can see everything

Even myself

My mistakes

I miss myself how I was before

But now my expectations are not too strong

My dreams are not so colorful

As before.

There's a lack

And I can't name it

I'm kind of dead

Kind of alive

Living between two worlds

Finally I leave life carry me on

And I don't know where I am going

It's nothing between me and people

It is between me

And something so much stronger than all of this

I wish I could feel God

A bit closer

As before

Do you still believe ?

I'd wish to...

The Paradoxical Commandments (Anyway), The Final Analysis

The Final Analysis

(Mother Teresa's version)

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

(As pessoas são freqüentemente irrascíveis, ilógicas, e auto-centradas;

Perdoe-nas assim mesmo.)

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

(Se você é bom, as pessoas podem acusá-lo de egoísta, com ulteriores motivos;

Seja bom assim mesmo.)

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

(Se você for bem-sucedido, você ganhará alguns falsos amigos

e alguns verdadeiros inimigos;

Faça sucesso assim mesmo.)

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

(Se você é honesto as pessoas podem perturbar você;

Seja honesto e franco assim mesmo.)

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

(O que você passou anos construindo, alguém pode destruir em uma noite;

Construa assim mesmo.)

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

(Se você encontra serenidade e felicidade, as pessoas podem ter inveja;

Seja feliz assim mesmo.)

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

(O bem que você faz hoje, as pessoas freqüentemente esquecem amanhã;

Faça o bem assim mesmo.)

Give the world the best you have,and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

(Dê ao mundo o melhor que você tem e isso pode nunca ser o bastante;

Dê ao mundo o seu melhor assim mesmo.)

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway...

Veja bem que, no final das contas, é entre você e Deus;

Nunca foi entre você e as pessoas...

(Mother Teresa 1910 - 1997)

The Paradoxical Commandments (Anyway) is both a poem and a book by Kent M. Keith. He wrote the poem as an undergraduate, and it has spread around the world often in slightly altered form. Two decades after writing the original poem, Dr. Keith wrote a book of the same title expanding on the themes of the poem: Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments: Finding Personal Meaning in a Crazy World (Hodder & Stoughton, 2002)
According to Webster's Dictionary, a paradox is "a seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true." [1]
And a commandment is "an authoritative direction or instruction to do something." [2]
Therefore, with those definitions in mind, a Paradoxical Commandment is an authoritave direction or instruction to do something that seems contradictory, but may nonetheless be true.
The Paradoxical Commandments provide inspiration to those who are facing the trials of life and who may be struggling to hang onto their principles in the face of change. It is a set of maxims that help keep the reader focused on the goal and willing to endure what may be perceived as failure by some for the greater good of moving forward in a creative life lived with love,integrity, passion and compassion as the central motivational drivers.

Still Learning

Once more I trusted in someone..cause I was feeling that the person was needing some help. Well..we think about others and when is our time they give a damn to what will hapen with us.

But I did my part. If I lose at this time I swear it will be the last advise from the life to me.



Life is not fair at all. Im tired and Im working a lot these days. Trying to make money and someone comes and take it from us with a normal story and it catch us.



Well..never mind. It is always time to learn again.

And this dream is getting more and more distant from me..poor civilization. People just want to get ride on you.

Am I still a believer? lol This civilization doesnt need my trust!

Brazilian government have spent a lot of money

to the Pan American Games...

while our children are sleeping on the streets

our policemen are being dead..

is all about money.

Nothing is gonna change

the human nature.

Blog errors

Finally I had the answer to the error in my blog. I couldnt post here..but now I have fixed and..well.. I thought I would never come back and post here anymore.

I needed to fix my post template and now is done! Thanks Blogger developers for sending me the answer!

Cheers ;-)

God's Gonna Cut You Down

You can run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Go tell that long tongue liar

Go and tell that midnight rider

Tell the rambler,

The gambler,

The back biter

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

Well my goodness gracious let me tell you the news

My head's been wet with the midnight dew

I've been down on bended knee talkin' to the man from Galilee

He spoke to me in the voice so sweet

I thought I heard the shuffle of the angel's feet

He called my name and my heart stood still

When he said, "John go do My will!"

Go tell that long tongue liar

Go and tell that midnight rider

Tell the rambler,

The gambler,

The back biter

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

You can run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand

Workin' in the dark against your fellow man

But as sure as God made black and white

What's done in the dark will be brought to the light

You can run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Go tell that long tongue liar

Go and tell that midnight rider

Tell the rambler,

The gambler,

The back biter

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down

.

.

.

I'm waiting..just dont let me feel much hurt please

.

.

.

Hurt

I hurt myself today

To see if I still feel

I focus on the pain

The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hold

The old familiar sting

Try to kill it all away

But I remember everything

What have I become

My sweetest friend

Everyone I know goes away

In the end

And you could have it all

My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns

Upon my liar's chair

Full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time

The feelings disappear

You are someone else

I am still right here

What have I become

My sweetest friend

Everyone I know goes away

In the end

And you could have it all

My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

If I could start again

A million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way

.

.

.

I like this music. John Cash and NiN sing it different.

But John Cash is a legend.

I always remember this music when I do a mistake.

Cause our mistakes always hurt ourselves,

like needles...

.

.

.

The Friend I Never Met

Thank you Shashi..

you know who I am since the beginning..

september 25, 2005.

We had a lot of fights but something you have teached to me...

when we are a true friend this feeling never dies.

Thank you for accepting me as I am..

thank you for respecting my age,

my thoughts

and for making me feel stupid sometimes.

But this is called friendship as well.

And thank you for your sincerity

that I couldnt understand in that time.

You were just being realistic.

It makes me see the reality as it is.

Sometimes it still hurts but I can handle it.

I wanted to be happy

I wanted to be loved

I wanted many things

And if they have happened or not

I dont know a happy end.

We are in oposit times of our lives

but I will always remember you..

and my kids

the best part of my life.

This song is for you..
my friend that I've never met....

Who knows if someday we will meet in other dimension?!

It would be funny :)

See ya there sweetheart :P

Is it the End?

This is the end

Beautiful friend

This is the end

My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end

Of everything that stands, the end

No safety or surprise, the end

I'll never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be

So limitless and free

Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand

In a...desperate land ?

Is it the end?

Nothing New

After all nothing important happened to change something in my country and my city, one of the most violent cities of the world, is a city of nobody. When I think about this Im sure I would never ever have kids nowadays.

Dust in the Wind

I close my eyes

Only for a moment

And the moment's gone.

All my dreams

Pass before my eyes, a curiousity.

Dust in the wind

All they are is dust in the wind.

Same old song

Just a drop of water in an endless sea.

All we do

Crumbles to the ground

Though we refuse to see.

Dust in the wind

All we are is dust in the wind.

Now, don't hang on

Nothing lasts forever

But the earth and sky.

It slips away,

And all your money

Won't another minute buy.

Dust in the wind

All we are is dust in the wind

Dust in the wind

Everything is dust in the wind.

Voodoo

I'm not the one who's so far away
When I feel the snake bite enter my veins
Never did I wanna be here again
And I don't remember why I came

Candles raise my desire

Why I'm so far away

No more meaning to my life

No more reason to stay

Freezing, feeling, breathe-in - breathe in

I'm coming back again

I'm not the one who's so far away

When I feel the snake bite enter my veins

Never did I wanna be here again

And I don't remember why I came

Hazing clouds rain on my head
Empty thought fill my ears
Find my shade by the moonlight
Why my thoughts aren't so clear
Demons dreaming
Breathe- in - breathe- in
I'm coming back again

I'm not the one who's so far away
When I feel the snake bite enter my veins
Never did I wanna be here again
And I don't remember why I came

I'm not the one who's so far away

I'm not the one who's so far away

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Everything that I believe is fading

Now I've told you this once before

You can't control me

If you try to take me down you're gonna break

Now I feel your every nothing that you're doing for me

I'm picking you outta me you run away

I stand alone

Inside

I stand alone

You're always hiding behind your so called goddess

So what you don't think that we can see your face

Resurrected back before the final fallen

Now they've arrest until I can make my own way

I'm not afraid of fading

I stand alone

Feeling your sting down inside of me

I'm not dying for it

I stand alone

Everything that I believe is fading

I stand alone

Inside

I stand alone

And now its my time (now its my time)

It's my time to dream (its my time to dream)

Dream of the skies (dream of the skies)

Make me believe that this place is invaded

By the poison in me

Help me decide if my fire will burn out

Before you can breathe

Breathe into me

I stand alone

Inside

I stand alone

Feeling your sting down inside of me

I'm not dying for it

I stand alone

Everything that I believe is fading

I stand alone

Inside

I stand alone

Inside

I stand alone

Inside

I stand alone

Inside

.

.

.

This is my fate

Everything that I believe is fading

Feeling your sting down inside of me

I'm not dying for it

I'm not afraid of fading

I stand alone

.

.

.

Dance

.
.
.
I will dance for love
I will dance for pain
I will dance for you
Even in vain
.
.
.

Taz

- MadMaktub -

Forgive me

Sometimes we need lose something to get to know

how much important it is for us.

Sometimes we need to feel the same to learn how to be better.

The same bad thing we did with others

we will live in the future to see

how much we were bad or ridiculous.

I know if you read this

You will think it's not worth

But first we need to recognize our mistake

Hate our mistake

And fix the damage we caused.

I know also that

Too much time has passed

To show my regret

But since 27 august 2005 my life changed.

And I made another mistake

Trying to find you in other person.

But.. there's just one Usman Khalid in this whole world.

You are the best person I've never ever known.

I know you will never come back to me even as a friend.

I just wanted to say please forgive me.

Taz

Decisions are hard to take but once you have taken

Everything looks so clearer

Nothing to worry about

A calm surrender

.

.

.

Soon you 'll be free for

Meeting your real self

.

.

.

If you dont have wings

Use those of your imagination

If you dont have a body

You can expand yourself

And being more

That you have ever imagined

.

.

.

Nobody will catch you anymore

.

.

.

Now I know how you felt

In your last day
No one caring about you
No one to understand you
And you were always the best
for the next...
You helped everyone
But nobody helped you


Wherever you are now
I hope you feel how much
I'd like to see you again

My dear
We are the same
I was so young to understand
Which kind of pain
You were taking with you
For so long

You were always laughing
Even of yourself
I always thought you were happy


Forgive me

Finally nothing.

No hopes, no fears, just a bit of pain
-that will get away soon.



In fact, is not just a bit of pain..
- a lot of pain -

How it huuuurtsssssss!
Like a big hole in the center of the chest...
I can put my hand inside and it will come out
by the other side.



Nude,

fallen,

with all dreams undone.



In a lethargic state you slowly stop.
Slowly your eyes close,
your head pends,
and a deep and involuntary breath
comes out from you



no tears.

Im feeling weird since all that happened. It is not just a social or a security problem, is more than that. There is always a battle.. we cant see. The peons are us. We are part of the game but we dont play. We cant make any rules. Our only "weapon" is our mind. If our mind is weak x strong, or good x bad. The influence will be done by similarity.

...

Our Father, who art in heaven

hallowed be thy Name,

thy kingdom come,

thy will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,

and the power,

and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.

are you there God?

...

After the last post I couldnt write here anymore. It was a incredible shock knowing that humans did it with another human. A child! Now the newspaper are publishing various crimes with childrem here. One more scary than other.

I dont know why the most of people doesnt feel anything. It is like: "Thanks God it didnt happen with my family!" Im glad that there are a lot of childrem safe. But if we didnt do anything we will have a urban war. Criminals are already killing policemen...16 just a this month. And the High Command of the Militar Police says that there aint anything out of control! Well..what did he mean by that? What is "out of control" to him them?

When I remember those days of pure nightmare, I think in my kids. On the streets I take their hands like a paranoid. I dont drive the car anymore. I can wait till they grow up.

A small group is formed to fight agaisnt our so "sweet" law...sweet with criminals I must say. Our law has condemned one of the guys who did it with that lil kid to 3 years with the right to be avaliated by 4 in 4 months. So, if they decided that the guy is cured they will free him! This guy is less than 18. He is 16. But his crime had so much cruelty. And someone who arrested a kid of 6 years old, outside the car hanged in safety belt for 7 miles, leaving parts of the kid's body along the way, will be cure in 4 months? Do you believe that someone like that can change in 4 months???

Who knows if I will write here again. This blog means a lot for me cause I write here since 2004.

Here I wrote part of my life..even in a metaphoric way..but I did. Many things has happened since then august 13, 2004.

And about that airplane who has crashed by a Jet in the air and 154 people was killed?

..nothing is solved yet.

My country is a big lie.

...

Are you there?
hellowwwwwwwww...your back dirty!!!!!!!! sure im here!!!!!! im always here.........
May i go with you?
ohoooooooo.... wanna come with me? whats the craic? feeling alone..awwwwwww
I don't want to fight. May I go with you?
tell me just ONE thing: WHY??
I guess it is not important. Anyway you always wanted me. I'm ready now.
ROFLMAO...dont lie!!! is not right wuawuawua
and who did say that i wanted yo??!!
Well..you are right..you just wanted cheating me all the time. Forget it.
You are just a nightmare, right?
yesssssssssssssssssssss...im your worst nightmare
and i will never leave you
but i dont want you with me........
Why??
you are not strong as before..whats the point in taking a weak soul?
Ok. BYE!
.
.
.
.
.
for the grace of the holy beast! yor going away!!??
YES! I'M GOING TO FIND THE WAY ALONE!!
hmm... im gonna follow yo just to check if yor goin' to the right side lol
FACE IT BEAST! YOU NEED ME AS I NEED YOU NOW..SO GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING UGLY HAND AND TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE!
NOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
oh shit!!! dont need to scream i can hear even yor thoughts!!!!
do u think im so weirdo?? i can show you places that nobody can....
hmm..its the first time i hold yor hand...its warm.....
it will be a looong journey babe..............................